15 minutes, then go.

I have about 15 minutes of me time right now before I will be off to meet a friend for coffee, followed by a trip to Coombs to my favorite book store and then a little walk to the English River Falls. This is me grabbing hold of my day and making it my own.

Last week was challenging, emotionally challenging for sure. I had to make a trip home from the mountain at 1 am, for DS who was having a rough night. I ended up walking in to a horrible situation. DH had physically/emotionally accosted DS. My heart broke. Although physically ‘OK’ – DS for the first time had the opportunity to direct his deep and long carrying anger in the right direction. We talked for several hours, just him & I. I think DS finally reached that place. The ENOUGH place.

That’s in my opinion a good place to start building a new life – it’s a place of resiliency and strength. That’s what’s going on with DS.

I am truly and deeply proud of him.

Work has been going well, it’s a heavy lift this year building out all these ministries BUT I feel confident that I am the one for the job. Key thing for me right now is organization. I am trying to work out most evenings, gratefully the gas is at such a good price that I can afford to drive back and forth. So a main thing for me in keeping on top of my schedule is food prep.

This weeks Menu:

Sunday: tonight I am going to make a Beef, Broccoli, Green Bean Stir Fry w/ Quinoa.

Monday: Buffalo Chicken Bowls, I will slow cook my chicken to make the prep easier.

Tuesday: Quick BLT’s on Romaine Lettuce to cut the carbs.. this one I am looking forward to.

Wednesday: DS is cooking for himself – He has recently learned how to grill chicken..

Thursday: I am going to make stuffed peppers with black beans and Quinoa. – Easy and YUM.

Friday: I will grill some chicken and everyone can eat when ever as I work that night.

Saturday: DS is cooking for himself again as I work a long shift.

Sunday, well I will figure that out NEXT Sunday.

I love being organized, it makes me feel safe and happy.

Time to go get dressed, time to take on the day.

Take long walks in stormy weather of through deep snows in the fields and woods, if you would keep your spirits up. Deal with brute nature. Be cold and hungry and weary. – HDT.

 

 

 

Forget the mistakes.

 
Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. 

Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only the best, be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

-Norman Vincent Peale-

Artwork by Mostaga Akbari

Just Breathe

It was one of those long nights that just passed, familiar. I was home alone as I usually am on a Monday night. This is in the heart of the matter. I am struggling right now facing life alone. I have a boy I don’t want, I want a boy I can’t have, a boy I like doesn’t like me and I have the superficial attention of the original. I am sure that seems extremely far from alone, yet none of that is giving me the substance I am looking for, in fact it’s no ┬álonger a matter of searching, more accurately that I am craving.

I think it’s time to refocus my energy & attention on ME.

I have a day off today. I have loosely made plans with the medic but tbh, he is so distant lately, I can’t even be sure we are doing anything. I texted him about 20 minutes after he texted me yesterday around dinner time, and he STILL hasn’t texted me back. I feel the need to walk, or at least reestablish the friend boundaries. I like the safety in friends. People don’t leave you in friendships. Usually.

Roots By Imagine Dragons

I know it’s gotta go like this, I know
Hell will always come before you grow
Trouble found me…

Here is where I am at: Yesterday I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and this man walked up to me with the most friendly eyes and we started chatting. His name is Alan and he had the most Dad like energy. We chatted for a few minutes before he got to the point, my encounter. He started speaking to me about the importance of taking care of my self, about how I am a natural martyr and that if I don’t pause and put myself first, reestablish my strong, safe and sturdy foundation I won’t be able to serve anyone.

WOW.

I know I haven’t been writing at all lately, I think more or less I was afraid to share my real thoughts in case someone were to stumble upon this. Now, I can’t think of a better way to reflect about life. It’s what I come back too, it’s how I process thought. I had to buy a crappy keyboarded laptop, I miss my Mac if I am being honest. I don’t care though, I just want to start moving forward again. I think Alan was right, I am sick. I have an ulcer right now, I am tired and I can’t seem to get my tummy stuff sorted. It’s time to put ME first again.

Today, I am going to do something I want to do.

In the meantime, here is a picture from the other day at Camp Homewood, the youth camp I was working at last weekend. I got up early, grabbed a coffee and drank it here.

IMG_0957

Operation Come Back to Life, Begins.