How much is too much? 

This is a sad post for me to begin. It’s that cold whisper of reality that is staring at me. I think CG and I may have just completed our course. I know, I know that is the most consistent theme between us. You see I welcomed him back into my life, under the impression that he wanted to be part of my family, my new regime, the new way of things. I was more open now than I’ve been as he’s put up a good fight & I in return did miss his place in my world. It’s not perfect, I am sort of trying not to consider perfection any longer, it’s not good for me or any relationships I might eventually hold. I like the idea of having a team, in all things. I’m a team player, the lone wolf Existance has certainly lost its appeal. I want TEAM.

Since moving home, as CG puts it – “I have a LOT on”. It’s not just taxiing, and dinners’s and working.. it IS all of that. It’s also more. It’s repairing damaged children, it’s fighting with a narcissus HA ex husband, it’s dealing with two kids so truly struggling that they take up a LOT of energy and CG has just learned over the course of three days, that I am no longer fully available emotionally, exclusivly to him. I was never if I am honest, (that’s a totally other post or another day) but now, it’s slightly more obvious.

This weekend I dealt with:

Parent Teacher interviews, with the stressfull back story of emotionally abusive home life and manipulative father.

Next day, having said father keep DD home from school.

Same Day, Having EX text me harsh and inappropriate things and a threat.

Next Day, Having EX give DD a bag of weed.

Same Day, picking up said 15 year old DD – learning that she is comletely intoxicated, and was planning to stay (with out permission with a girlfriend in a home that had no parents. DH lied to me about this and said that the grandparents were home. I obviously said NO, not only am I picking up two drunk girls, I am certianly not leaving them un-supervised. DD threw up in CG’s vehical. Her friend cried for about 2.5 hours and disclosed some sensitive and repercusionable material. I ended up taking her home at 2:30am.

I honestly don’t know how I would cope with this raising of teenagers with out the years of training, or the tools I have to employ as a pastor, it’s beyond blessing. This is a tremendous task with an disadvnataged playing field.

This morning DD woke up as CG was leaving, said good by and then disclosed to me that she was going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE from her dad becuase she was supposed to bring home the remainder of the weed from the bag that he gave her, and she lost it. This was the second time in 12 hours she told me that her dad was going to get mad at her. Last night she talked about, how lately, he’s been in a bad mood and no matter what she does she can’t do anything right. He’s always mad at her, which is why she has been staying home – to try and make him happy. Umm. NO.

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