I offen think this particular line runs through my head a little more often than it ought too.. “Today marks the first day of the rest of your life…” It sure does! I often think. Today is just another day but at the same time it’s that new day that I get to begin…again. I like thinking I have the option to start a new each new day. It’s empowering.
Five years ago, I walked away from the only life I had ever known, a marriage of 9 years, and the quintessential posting of “Mom”.
Trustworthily, organized, devastatingly depressed. You see, as much as that life was beautifully shiny on the outside, behind closed doors.. it was a chaos. Darkness, deceit and corruption. Abuse, violence, emotional drama. The day I walked away, I felt a daze wash over me. I moved so robotically. I found a job, nannying of all things, settled my kids into a new home, new schools and new life. It was a raw time. A distracted time. It was then though that I became my most industrious self. I had to. I actually had no choice. My ex was pretty nightmarish to deal with so I had to learn to play in the arena of life, which I was unprepared for completely.
I moved from the Nanny job, to a full time position as a Youth Minister, something at which I was only volunteering at previously.. that position led into me committing to go back to school, which I did with vigour and haste.. before I knew it… I looked up & 3 years had passed. Magically, Like that. I was doing okay financially, I had traveled to Spain with my son & our youth group, across canada with my daughter camping in our jeep, and was really making a go of healing. I was learning again, evolving again, growing up and into my new life.
3 years ago – another cataclysmic event took place. I lost a limb, or was it my heart?
My lovely 12 year old daughter moved out of my home and into her fathers. If you ever doubt the ability for good to trump over evil.. this situation would certainly pad your thoughts on it all. 6 months earlier, my sweet sensitive son moved out. I get it. He was 14, in the throws of puberty, and his dad was the one he wanted to be like. I thought, he’s a boy – I get it. When my daughter went, I didn’t take that as lightly – I fought for her – legally fought. To no avail. I don’t trust our legal system, especially the BC legal system. That’s another post all together. Up to this point, I had done it all solo, I walked away from all assets, and he wasn’t paying his child support – I didn’t receive spousal support either. I was doing this SOLO.
So that summer – my daughter moved, and I made a huge decision… I did too. I followed her, they lived in a town 1.5 hours away from all my friends and family but regardless a mother does what she can, thats always been me, i try exceedingly hard in all things. I moved to have easier access to them & this is where my story gets tricky.
I was commuting to work, having extremely limited access to the kids, and was being bullied by my ex. If you have ever heard of Parental Alienation.. I know I have written about this before. I was the target of that.
So after 6 or so months of going back and forth, I had a second cataclysmic event grab hold of me. The opportunity for another career change. I spent about 6 months trying to “do it all”. Commuting between three cities, seeing my kids when I could – more often then not I would come home and then magically their dad would have a special family activity so they couldn’t come over. I let all the hurt and disappointment and discouragement and frustration and broken heartedness FUEL me. I ate the madness for breakfast and muscled through my bumpy road of newness, no quit in me what so ever.
I met a man right during that time – which was the best and worst thing that could have occurred. Many times I thought it was the worst for sure, he was a ball of drama – and in that early part of our relationship the lines were blurred = business/ pleasure/ cheater/ non committal/ work/ play/ BUT with all that drama swirling – we also uncovered some pretty nasty stuff in me that was hidden WAAAAAAY down deep. It was a brutal year.
Funny thing about years of brutality, the light that shines in after the dark night is, in my experience – radiant. I was not disappointed. CG (the man) and I found our stride & I think TBH – it had a lot to do with me finding MINE. I made a huge decision to leave ministry for good and focus on a little media company start up. My first year in business coincided with a year of limited access to my kids, a man that was messing with my head, another that was just as fucked up as me and two new clients!
Hu-rrah. Hu-rrah. Hu-rrah. That’s how I feel about that Herculean effort. I DID IT.
2015 Fast forward to, today.
I am just over two years in business now.. have a HUGE tech company as my client, CG and I are partners with a file share, I do things he can’t and vise versa… this works for us as we’re able to have independent clients when needed but as partners are always interested in helping the other out. It’s a really balanced way – not monetarily just yet – his client roaster is bigger than mine and he charges much much more but I am satisfied with the tech company I have a a two year contract for business development and branding, personally my media company is becoming more recognized and is growing, our blog – LOVE BEING HERE is thriving, my side business as a journalist is FUN, my kids… are doing much better.
My Son, who is now 17 and is in his last year of high school has just plucked up the courage to move out of that toxic environment that was his fathers and back in with me. I NEVER thought this day would come. I am filled with joy. We have a long road ahead, as much time as it has taken me to recover from that environment – I think he will take just slightly less time. Not that he is more resilient, just that I am here for him so he isn’t going to go through this alone.
CG and I are in a really positive place. We have many struggles but less so to do with our relationship and more to do with various obstacles and different life time road maps.. over all though I think we will be okay, I know my worth and so does he – I think he will be slightly uncomfortable with the waiting and disrupting of his life plan.. but in that same breath I think he is in love with me which is allowing more room for flexibly. I think anyway. It’s not always pretty but what relationship is? When we are on, it’s the best in the world.
He’s my favourite person to do pretty much anything with, and more than anyone else – he’s there for me. He has helped me grow into my new life path. It was a pretty dubious transition but we made it.
My daughter is still with her dad and his girlfriend. I try to stay calm about this, It’s hard though. I also try to recall how I treated my mother at 14 – it wasn’t until much later in life that I really realized how much she meant to me. I know the day will come but it’s REALLY hard for me to be patient.
Now back to that quote.. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”. So much of my life has been about pushing through, trying really hard, FIGURING IT OUT.
That’s where I am right this second. This post is brought to you from a coach seat on a greyhound bus. I left my vehicle at home and am heading to the ferry via bus.. I will then walk on the ferry, nothing unusual about that – just that I don’t have to park right now and pay for said parking. It’s been a tight few months monetarily, having teenagers is very expensive. I have always paid MORE than my share for and with them and this year my daughter had some extra expenses. It’s just been hard to make ends meet and commuting sucks up a third of my monthly take home.. so I discovered this option. It’s cheap, it’s easy, it’s not that fast but look I am writing so not really any harm done.. I can work while I travel. That’s rather relaxing.
I will take the city bus into town, that part will suck the most as it’s usually standing room only. BUT I can be creative in this, I have no ego attached to this kind of stuff. It’s all about perspective to me, it’s kind of like an adventure – I am seeing it as an adventure.