WARNING: THIS IS A RANT. There WILL be a LOT of swearing ahead.
You are still here? Alright then, hold on to your seats this is going to be a good one!
I am sitting doing something I don’t want to do. Well I don’t flat out hate it – but I am totally conceding on an issue. I have spent the last week literally to the day in a pissed off mood.
Ugh. There really is a thin line between love and hate.
CG and I fight – he’s a fucker too, he fights kind of dirty. So just for your entertainment and my stress relief and because I am rattled I am going to list off all the shit I am mad about: (mostly CG).
1. CG compares me to his last girlfriend constantly. “Well that’s not what previous occupant used to do, she always loved my lattes” (After I told him I didn’t actually love having such a sugary, over dairy filled expresso) “Well previous occupant always liked to sit near me, hold my hand, watch my fucking shitty ass movies, listening to every word I say” Yada, Yada.
Tangent: today I had, had enough. I looked him straight in the eye and said “Comparison is the thief of Joy” stop comparing me to that two bit trailer trash gold digging whore. I don’t act like her because I am NOTHING like her. FUCK. LIKE FUUUUUUCK.
2. No matter where we go, CG comments “Will you wear your hair down for me?, you look so beautiful with your hair down” Seriously? FUCK NO. “Will you put on this outfit? Oh you look so good in this outfit” FUCK NO.
3. CG is the biggest fucking manipulator I have ever witnessed. He get’s what he wants from ANYONE.
4. CG treats woman so – ugh I don’t even know how to describe what he does, but he flirts with EVERYONE to get them to do what he wants. It’s the shittiest un-integral behaviour and I fucking hate it. It blows me away, this charm is such bullshit and the fucking woman are smitten – I’m just like WHAT. THE. FUCK.
5. Anytime I bring anything up, in my learned unemotional communicating way – he doesn’t even try to listen simply he goes right to, “well I think you are too much of a free spirit to be in a relationship, or you would be better suited as a lone ranger, you are too hippie” (notice anything he is putting stuff on me that’s his own stuff) I don’t think it’s right to talk break up at every relationship discussion.
6. Every time I suggest a restaurant, something comes up and we go where he wants, if I suggest an activity, (ONLY if he wants to we get to do it) yet if I say no to anything he starts acting all passive aggressive.
7. He comments on my PMS and tells me I am crazy, well guess what sparky, if I am crazy it’s because one person can only take so fucking much.
I am a VERY independent person. I can’t be with someone that controls me. I don’t even want to be at all and it’s just creating huge resentment. If I agree with everything, he is really nice if I disagree I am volatile and unpredictable and not good enough. FUCK YOU.
Everyday, he comments; “So are you going to work out?” He is so concerned about ever calorie and making sure he gets in a huge ‘cal count’. What’s the fun in that? Then he get’s passive aggressive because he wants a partner that he can work out with. Well we have different body types and clocks – I HATE going to the gym. That’s what he loves to do – meet me in the middle; some days gym, some days lets go play tennis or hike or bike ride..
He treats me like arm candy and he knows fully we are well matched intellectually.
Where I am lacking in business and the 20 years he has on me in life experience – I have a deep sense of spirituality, self and I am continually learning/evolving. Besides, I would love to know my IQ because unlike usual intelligence I would wager to say I am both IQ AND EQ smart. It’s rare but I learn really, really fast. Hence the success that I am working toward really doesn’t scare me – I am going to get there – I’m tenacious yes, but I always analyze everything that goes on around me with lightening speed.
Laughably It makes me seem somewhat “psychic” but you know, that’s not it at all – I just take in details, analyze them and then have the ability to meld my energy, body language and strategy very quickly. When you have that and it’s paired with a do not give up, always be ready attitude its super beneficial to get where I need to be.
So sure smart guy, I get that you are well connected and hold a double masters – I am 20 years your junior and keeping up just fine!
After all that you are probably wondering why I am with him?
Trust me I wonder the same thing, He really does bring out the worst in me & I LET him.
The other night he actually said “You are the first girl I have had to work so hard to get”…
Prrr. haha fucker that stroked my ego – he was pissed off and frustrated but fucking so what? He wants me to marry him, No thanks.
Ahhh. Okay. Now that all of that is out of my system I can breath again. I exaggerated a bit there, but it felt good to pound on the keys a bit.
CG is my right now person. I have no idea what is coming – nor do I care to know. When he’s not driving me fucking nuts, he makes me happy and that’s the only thing I care about at the moment. I am in the place I choose to be. He is satisfying the needs I have at the moment.
I’m right here. I am maybe a little bit dangerous. Hell I could die tomorrow and this would be a moot point. All I want in my life is to go, to do, to be, to experience and to be excited and inspired. That’s me. That’s my right now. CG fits this plan. So for now, he stays. No guarantees. I could get hurt, he could too – but that’s life.
I put my foot about all the stuff above that was pissing me off – we made up again.
Let’s see how long it lasts this time. For now, I am going to keep it simple.