What do you do when you really truly can’t do anything? I guess in some small way this is what I can do. Like before I can keep a record.
Tonight I witnessed something that actually made my heart ache. It’s not even anything directly (physically) related to me – it’s never going to be me anymore.
I’m talking about DH.
I stepped away, I am out from under DH’s influence. DH doesn’t have a hold on me, at all. Now though, it’s Ds. Ds just went though something I have experienced 100 times. It’s incredible. I am heart sick.
With DH the pattern goes a little something like this..
His Relatives/Friends come over.
They start drinking.
They drink way too much, way too fast.
A Misunderstanding happens.
DH’s temper FLARES.
He become belligerent.
He is cruel and mean in the very worst most cutting way.
He is loud.
He is intimidating.
Not one person stops him. He in his truly cruel way, becomes the biggest bully on the block and everyone else supports him.
My son – my sensitive, kind, son, got to be the target last night.
He was so hurt, it physically hurt me to see him get my car like that.
I am LIVID.
Livid is actually not a strong enough word to describe the feeling that man and his family evoke.
My daughter is over there in a room full of adults that are discussing what a ‘bad son’ DS is?! How DH is right, Ds is wrong. Screw him, blah, blah, blah. I mean who talks like that about their own kid!!?
The spark that set the blaze last night was this; Ds asked if he could come over to my house. He had mentioned yesterday that he had wanted to come over today. I expected that since DH doesn’t get along very well with Dh’s sister. If they are all drinking, it’s even worse. So when he texted me, I told him to have his Dad drive him over and I would drive him home. ( At this point I had no idea that they were drunk ) Ds texted me that everyone was drinking so no one could drive. No problem I said, I’d come. And I did. Well. In the ten minutes from that conversation to the time I picked up Ds – Dh wrestled Ds to the ground, breaking a table in the process to get his phone and check Ds’s messages. DH freaked out yelling at Ds after reading the part where Ds mentioned to me about the drinking. (like what was he supposed to say – huge over reaction) He got in Ds’s face ripped the things Ds had packed out of his bag for his over night and all the while everyone was standing around watching.
For one thing – how humiliating for Ds. For another, how intimidating, lastly how totally hurtful. Brutal.
When he got into my car, he was very upset and crying.
Dh immediately started phoning my phone, once I got home and let Ds into the house I answered. He was freaking out at me (Innocent bystander, I might add) He went all crazy, saying that Ds F-ing hates me and that he never wants to come over and that he is playing me. He started yelling about how Ds never acts this way with him and he’s going to get all his clothes and drop them off at my house. He can F-ing live there, he yelled… WOW. It was intense. I actually hung up on him. I had too.
What else could I do. I don’t have to listen to his drama anymore. That’s why I divorced him. Now though – Ds shouldn’t have to be the bearer of all that harshness. He’s only 14. It’s not his burden.
I left to try and get away from all this madness – to protect my kids from that. Yet here we are. I didn’t help them at all and now I can’t even physically be there to protect them. I don’t really know what to do. This doesn’t happen all the time. DH doesn’t drink all the time and especially he tends to keep his extracurricular activities away from the kids – but still. Why today, why now?
I have given Ds the best advice I could; It’s not your fault, He is wrong for treating you this way. Please don’t read your text messages. He doesn’t really understand though – this is his Dad. His Dad has truly let him down in this situation.
Life is messy, yes I get that. This though is ridiculous.