..mothers day..

Today is Mother’s Day.

I think we may have just stumbled upon a new tradition. Mothers & Daughters. Today my Mom, Sister, my daughter and hers went to an island for a day in paradise. It took us two ferries to get there but all of us were in adventurous spirits. It was one of the nicest Mother’s day I have ever spent.

I think, this surprised me. My Son, who is currently living with his Dad wasn’t here. He and I have been having so much trouble still – I wasn’t even sure I would hear from him. I know he loves me – it’s just the hardest thing all of this drama. He is changing. I feel bad, it actually breaks my heart to witness it all and know there is nothing I can do but pray. I know his environment is crazy. Living with his dad sure has it’s perks – and my fear, one of the bigger ones – his role model for being a gentlemen is truly unfortunate. I would not like Ds to treat woman the way his father does. It’s hard, hard to watch. Harder to hear Ds use the phrases and language of his father, harder even still to listen to him talk to me using his father words. I have decided to change my direction though. I think it was one of the hardest things I have experienced in my motherhood today. I put my foot down and pulled out some tough love. I asked my son to leave the last time he was home. He was being so rude to me – I simply asked him to call his father and get picked up as I won’t tolerate it any more. It turned out okay that day, his dad – trying to punish me wouldn’t come and in turn Ds and I had a good talk.

It didn’t last very long though almost the second he left that night Ds started texting me and asking a million questions – obviously his Dad was asking him so he turned to ask me. I am so tired of that. I don’t talk about him here – why can’t DH do me the same curtesy.

Well what ever they talked about – afterwords we were back to not talking. He didn’t end up coming here this weekend and I in turn made plans. I made other plans – I was determined to have a good day and I did. It was a beautiful, amazing, peaceful day. Ds txt messaged me this morning three words – Happy Mothers Day xoxo and I am satisfied with that.

This is part of my new action plan. I am not going to hinge my whole existence on their feelings and decisions. I have to carve out my own life. I will always be their mother. I will always love them and that pretty much what Ds and I talked about – I love him with all I’ve got. Just because everything changed – that didn’t. No matter where he goes or where I do – no matter how old he gets or how much time passes – I will ALWAYS love him and be here with open arms. That being said – I am not going to be guilted into allowing him or anyone to treat me poorly for sport. I am living and tightening me boundaries. My personal boundaries. I am going to do things that are good for me. Healthy things – I am going to take better care of me.

Today, today was a fantastic day. I went to one of my favourite places and I took some of my favourite people. My sister and her daughter, my daughter and my own mother. We hiked, we laughed, we ate delicious pastries, we talked and sang and simply enjoyed the overwhelming beauty of the place we had the opportunity to be. It was one of the nicest days i’ve had. I am so thankful. Truly thankful.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of what is going to be an incredibly busy three weeks. Dance recitals – End of school projects – Moving.

OY. Must remember to exercise, drink plenty of water, sleep enough and look at each day with joy and gladness.

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