..his drama..

So here is a recent conversation via email that I’ve just had the pleasure of having with Dh.

Me:

Hi Dh, one more thing. How did Ds do on his report card? Could you take a picture of it and send it to me?
Also, I talked to my friend D and she wanted to make sure we knew foot ball sign ups were happening. Tonight 6-8pm.
There are a few fundraisers happening too if you are interested in helping.

Thanks.

Dh:

I will get you a copy sunday, an if d is involved with football I don’t need you being the messenger pass my number on or email I got it covered.

Me: 

Of course, that wouldn’t make sense logistically. I did give it to her. I gave her both – email and phone number.

I’ll still be involved in some capacity – of course you will be doing all the driving and making sure he is where he needs to be but I can help with random things fundraising or whatever to support the team. There is never enough help it seems. Also if ever you need me to help to drive to away games, I’d be more than happy to do it.

And thanks, I look forward to seeing Ds’s progress it sounds like he’s had a successful term.

Dh:

I’d rather not have it that way so you can discuss it with Ds if he wants you to be involved its up to him, its his activity he’s been looking forward to it for 2 years and I don’t want it to be ruined for him am sure you don’t either? 

Me:

Seriously? Listen, re-read the email. How would my supporting and encouraging our son in doing something that he loves be ruining it for him? His team needs equipment – if I can sell a few tickets how is that ruining it for him? That doesn’t even make sense. I offered to help with the driving because well why wouldn’t I? I would be watching him anyway. It’s not really a big deal. Now that he is living with you I’ll be parenting in a different way. I will still support his activities. He’s a good athlete. I am happy he is going to try out again. Just because he lives in another town doesn’t really change the fact that I care about what he’s involved in.

Dh:

No one said he isn’t a good athlete and I haven’t seen parenting from you with him in two years so who are you kidding or do you think its ok they way he talks to you, I emailed myself the conservation, in my opinion your just going through the motions saying all the things a parent would say to there child, but there is NO action  what so ever backing up those words up , but I’m getting a second opinion thursday, it reminds me of our marriage and pretty soon 14 years will go by and he will be grown up.  and besides he was living with you and you couldn’t get him to leave the house with you and you think all these activities we are doing are all his idea? Lol ummm NO.  Now that’s good parenting.

Me: 

You are so filled with hate. I feel sorry for you. I hope one day you will be free of it. No matter what you say or do, my children are my children. I love them.

 

There really doesn’t seem to be much I can say.

Not to defend myself but – my ds broke his arm the first winter we lived here – snowboarding. It was such a bad break that he had to have it re-broken and eventually he needed surgery. He was off all sports for more than a year.

AND FTR

I invite him to come every weekend that I am not working, every holiday and I even offer to come for coffee or lunch or dinner or what ever he wants. I ask him to Skype, I ask him to call. I call him every day, I text him throughout the day to check in. I don’t know what else to do.

Dh is systematically taking him away. It’s changes nothing, I am going to be like an iron horse. I will take every ounce of punishment they can dish out and guess what – I was in labor with that boy for 27 hard hours. I’ve stayed awake all hours of the night, read the same story 70000 times, kissed scraped knees, chased away bad dreams and all anxieties, I washed clothes, fixed holes, baked cookies, listened and defended and cheered..

I have always been there for my son. Always.

He didn’t want to move here, well guess what neither did I but I couldn’t live in a home that Dh was constantly storming into and threatening me. I had to make it work. I had to make this new reality work.

I left my marriage with nothing, no money what so ever and guess what – I made it. I supported us.

I am so sad and broken hearted that this is happening. I miss my son so incredibly much – I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

Reality check – that is the life I am currently living.

NOT MY CHOICE.

This is not a competition Dh, it’s really not. You might think you are winning because you have successfully manipulated a 14 year old. That is the saddest part of all. It makes me sick. My poor son.

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