..just a tuesday..

I am always the least productive on a Tuesday. I ‘used’ to hate Tuesdays, so dearly like seriously Murphy’s Law everything that can go wrong will… but only on a Tuesday. It was almost weird. Now, I tend to have really good days physically on Tuesday but everything else is out the window.

Like it’s already one pm and I have hardly done any work. I did however go for a nice run this morning, not too far about 5 k with an old friend that I reconnected with. I enjoyed talking to her. You know how some people are very imposing and just being around them can be really draining… she is the oposit, very calming. We ran the Puntledge River Trail. This was her first run in about a year- so we just took it nice and slow. I felt good, but I didn’t run fast enough or long enough to catch the “high”. It was more of a social run for me.

I am definitely sure now, that there is SOMETHING wrong with me physically. I have no idea what, but it’s going on three months and I am getting worse… energy is soooo low, moods are varied, I have had a pretty constant succession of headaches, my tummy has felt weird and I more round?? I already mentioned my increased appetite, well that has led to weight gain. Really though… what is up!!???!! I think I am going to ask the Dr. to do a blood work check up and just make sure there is nothing kooky going on with my thyroid or anything odd. I am going to put the pressure on myself to eat a bit less again and exercise more. Empty tummy always feels better anyway, since I have so many food sensitivities.

Well, I just got an interesting little txt, My BIL asked me to play ball for his team tonight. They are short a girl. This is one of those ‘first’ things, one of the first things that I will be doing the very first time post divorcé, that I wasn’t ALLOWED to do before. It makes me feel nervous. It also makes me feel defiant and excited at the same time. Hahaha!

More exercise, that’s a plus. I haven’t played ball since I was hmm, I guess 16-17 years old. The last year I played I was still in high school and that was it, I have NEVER played slow-pitch before. I hope I get on base, LOL.

There is this game I play with my YG called European Baseball, it’s kinda a mix of Dodgeball, California kickball and Baseball all rolled into one game. I am a pretty fast sprinter from base to base and I am still good at sliding… so that’s helpful. I hope I can still throw alright, I was always a catcher, and since I had such a good arm, my secondary position is center field. OMG. I am over thinking and psyching myself out.

I have to remember my advice that I stole from Rob Dyrdek…

Tuesday advice of the day: Make your own LUCK, be INSPIRED, always stay HUMBLE, keep your FAMILY close, and do REDICULOUSLY crazy things!

So I am scared right… scared is good, that feeling in the pit of your stomach, also called fear buuuuuut fear can be very motivating!! So here I go, trying something new.

Okay, on with the day, this was a bit of a rambly post…

Hey, I forgot to mention something. Ever since my refusal to communicate with DH, and my non participation in his relationship with the kids, we’ve hardly heard from him. He rarely calls, even less does he contact them when he says he is going to. They are getting slightly frustrated. I feel bad but honestly, I know one day they will find out the truth and I want no part in it.

My Daughter invited her father a week ago to a school performance; she REALLY wanted him to come. Of course he didn’t confirm anything but in the end ended up coming. Rather than coming alone as she has wished he brought his mother and sister. He didn’t even say hello to me, none of them did surprise, surprise… but the thing that struck me and made me actually almost drop my jaw… he was wearing a Support Chapter such and such, Naniamo hoodie. Nothing like being flagrantly in support of the HA while on parole. That was embarrassing. I prayed to God, DD (my daughters teachers didn’t know what it all meant.

He’s a dick, I swore at him a few weeks ago over the phone; I admit not my finest hour. He was going off and I told him to STFU and I hung up on him. He phoned me back in an instant and actually threatened my life, the reason for the threat, he said that I can not speak to him that way, I better start respecting him… then he went on saying he has ways to have me hurt and can do it at anytime. Then he said, 6 more months bitch and my probation is over, then you are dead. At this point three things happened simultaneously, Hanging up I made a mental note to get a restraining order, to take effect the second that the crowns no go order becomes invalid, I made the decision NOT to move back to Port, and lastly, I decided I will not be communicating with him for any reason any further from that point on.

So be it, I think the hoodie was a scare tactic.

I know he is going to be pissed when my lawyer serves him with the court papers, but this not paying child support is not happening any further. I am struggling financially, now that I lost Port; it’s going to be very tight, even worse than it already was. So screw you buddy, help me by contributing financially to your kids.

This was an email I received from him on the 31st of March the day he had been promising all month that he’d pay his support payment.

I realize its the 31st and I was sorting out your texts and emails like I do weekly and I also realized that I have finally learned something from you, In one of your text you mentioned that good people always finish last, anyways I’m getting paid this Friday and I am NOT putting any money in your account, I will take the money out and put it aside and I will do this bi weekly until I receive the rosary for months and months i have been waiting but at your rate I don’t have 14 years before you decide to do something about it, you have had more than enough time and personally I think if you have time to do the fun stuff your doing you have time to make me copy of the hard drive.

This is insane, because he keeps demanding crazy things.

Then I sent him something back telling him, it’s not about me… this is to help with them (the kids, MY kids).

He wrote further….I have -1500 in my account because I was short the tax cheque I wrote so please don’t whine to me, I make way more money, I know but I have 20 times the bills you do, I’m NOT hurting the kids YOU made these decisions just like your fun spring break you weren’t worried about how much money you were spending then, if fish didn’t open there mouths they wouldn’t get caught either, your doing the exacted same thing you did with me spend spend and worry about bills later and you and you alone know how much money you have wasted and stuff you have bought and did with no necessity, and you figured after what happen to us financially you would be doing things different because your so much better than me.! everyone talks about everyone and you think that your special and people don’t have opinion about what your doing, I know you don’t care about what people say and I ask them not to tell me cause I don’t care but don’t play this game with me because I’m not stupid.

What the Eff is that about???? I never over spend my god I am like the most conscience spender on the plant. I don’t need him to finance anything I am doing; I just don’t think it’s fair that he won’t pay ANY effing child support. Like quit funding your little girlfriends blow habit and you will have plenty of money. I found out recently that the girl he is seeing is quite the little partier, why not hook up with a single heli faller… easy to trade sex for drugs… and he’s probably doing it. I NEVER thought he was into partying again, but it does rather make sense… No money, so he says, sporadic calling of the kids, extreme moody attitude, hanging with the HA.

I don’t want anything to do with that, he never really got into that when he was with me, but I wonder if it’s not because I don’t do drugs, and I at least- no matter how abusive he got, made it clear that we were a family, and families don’t behave THAT way.

Whatever… I am kinda venting today. Like usual my blogs turn into places to vent to… I guess better than in real life, at least there are no judgments here.

Time to play ball…. almost… breath and relax and have fun. :)

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