..the adventures of Canuck..

So last weekend I was home alone. My children where visiting thier father and I had three days off of work. I devided my time, I went snowboarding the very first day. It was a good day of boarding, I got in so many runs. I felt great and enjoyed it emensly. I love snowboarding alone with music. I mean it’s fun to go up with someone, it’s social to chat on the chair and race and follow each other but there is something to be said also for having a great playlist, and a fearless additude.

I am a pretty spoiled boarder in that I have a midweek pass and 95% of the time I was on the mountain virtually alone, all runs, every turn being made with WIDE OPEN space. That’s sooo nice, no lines ups, no waiting, no dodging skiiers. I had my challenges though, lots and lots of really zero vis days, so many infact that I got accustomed to boarding nearly blindly. I knew where the edges were and followed a path of my own making and it worked.. it’s different, and kind of exilerating… I had that fear feeling often in my stomach, so I had alot of adrenaline to work with which at the end of the day created within me a very relaxed and content being. It was no different on friday, my last day up- zero viz, perfect snow, great playlist and the whole mountian to my self!

My snowboard is now cleaned and put away for the season, that was my first big thing. I learned a new sport this winter and proudly I am confident enough to go anywhere on the mountain, and now even at virtually any speed, I stopped wiping out over a month ago and have just enjoyed the thrill. It’s been super fun and a great way to pass the horid winter! I’ll miss it for SURE.

That’s what I did on the first day, the second I decided in a split second decision to go mountian biking… this day was one marred by flexibilty, thank goodness I am flexible cause my planned changed several times over the day. Hehehe.

It was beautiful, I knew I wasn’t going back up to the mountain, my house was spotless, I knew I wanted to be outside. I contempated for a moment taking off to Tofino.. but damn it I hate being broke. I also didn’t want to drive three and a half hours. So then I decided on Hornby. Such a very, very cool place.

To be Continued…

So the other day I was traveling to an undisclosed location in search of some new trails to bike… I hopped one ferry then the second ferry all the while thinking about all the places I have visited upon this beautiful Island we call home. My children were visiting their father for the weekend and I was thinking about that too… I love hiking, I love hiking alone actually. It’s the most freeing, relaxing, liberating, rejuvenating thing that I do for myself. I usually have some ‘safer’ hiking spots to go alone that I use as my go to when I have unexpected time off, but being that we are still in winter err I mean spring I needed a new place that was at sea level.

While sitting on the ferry I spent time thinking about how I could connect with my daughter or both my kids really while I was off on these solo treks… it’s hard to explain fully what I see and where I go… and obviously I miss them terribly all the time even when it’s only been a day… so I decided to find a traveling companion… A really photogenic traveling companion… Now a days with GPS, satellite positioning, and mobile networks… there are so many places that I am shocked to be receiving cell service… but if I can receive a txt I decided I can certainly send a picture to a certain little girls email address :) Here my plan is hatched.

Viola, as we are remotely connected – via emails, tada; they can experience my adventures right along with me, no matter where I am.

Great Idea, but as I was two islands away from home, so where to find a traveling companion… AND not just ANY traveling companion… I certainly did NOT want a complainer… but one that is soft, light, quiet and cute?? No small task.

It’s funny though, the best laid plans sometimes are the ones that have no planning at all. I stopped at a little market in search of this Infamous Trail Map that according to legend… has all the spider web like single track you can handle completely mapped out! Cool right!! New territory… ahh in my excitement I digress.

So back to the Moose, I am in there on the island; two away from home and come upon this Market filled very random stuff and in the corner of this very random market an even more random corner of Easter paraphernalia. It’s had Easter Eggs, and little hopping chicks that wind up and pop up and down, fuzzy plush bunnies, egg decorating kits, glass staining kids, stickers, bunny ears, bunny hats… and right in the very middle of all this pastel Easter cartel was a fuzzy BROWN Moose!

Now if that moose was not meant to be…. So I scooped her up and away we went. I was keen on the idea, it was funny to me… being in the middle of bloody no where and setting up these ridiculous shots. It made me giggly because I KNEW my daughter was going to LOVE it.

I carried on, spent my day in the sun, explored actually stayed off my bike and went on foot, had my rejuvenating day and enjoyed every second.

When I went to pick up my kids the next day I had “Maggie” whom I thought was a little girl moose and having named her on the fly and that it rhymed I thought was fairly clever… Maggie the Moose- sounds good right!? I had her in the front seat of my jeep all buckled in… When you’re gonna do something, do it right! I always say, so I figured the best way to introduce the idea in real life was to keep up the rouse.

Kids- meet Maggie. Maggie- meet the kids. As I surmised they laughed and thought it was a great and fun way to see me while they were away, they passed Maggie back and forth checking out her fuzziness and the spot of sticky that was her first travel mark… (a bit of tree sap) and solemnly declared, “Mom, this is NOT a girl. This moose has a beard!! We think we should name HIM Canuck.” Lots of giggle and questions later, we arrived home happy and celebrating the weekend.

And there you have it, the HER is now a HIM and how he came to fit into our family, and might I add that “he” fits perfectly- right into the side pouch on my bag….

I think this is the beginning of some good times, Canuck the Great Canadian Moose and Me ❤

..the adventures of Canuck..

So last weekend I was home alone. My children where visiting thier father and I had three days off of work. I devided my time, I went snowboarding the very first day. It was a good day of boarding, I got in so many runs. I felt great and enjoyed it emensly. I love snowboarding alone with music. I mean it’s fun to go up with someone, it’s social to chat on the chair and race and follow each other but there is something to be said also for having a great playlist, and a fearless additude.

I am a pretty spoiled boarder in that I have a midweek pass and 95% of the time I was on the mountain virtually alone, all runs, every turn being made with WIDE OPEN space. That’s sooo nice, no lines ups, no waiting, no dodging skiiers. I had my challenges though, lots and lots of really zero vis days, so many infact that I got accustomed to boarding nearly blindly. I knew where the edges were and followed a path of my own making and it worked.. it’s different, and kind of exilerating… I had that fear feeling often in my stomach, so I had alot of adrenaline to work with which at the end of the day created within me a very relaxed and content being. It was no different on friday, my last day up- zero viz, perfect snow, great playlist and the whole mountian to my self!

My snowboard is now cleaned and put away for the season, that was my first big thing. I learned a new sport this winter and proudly I am confident enough to go anywhere on the mountain, and now even at virtually any speed, I stopped wiping out over a month ago and have just enjoyed the thrill. It’s been super fun and a great way to pass the horid winter! I’ll miss it for SURE.

That’s what I did on the first day, the second I decided in a split second decision to go mountian biking… this day was one marred by flexibilty, thank goodness I am flexible cause my planned changed several times over the day. Hehehe.

It was beautiful, I knew I wasn’t going back up to the mountain, my house was spotless, I knew I wanted to be outside. I contempated for a moment taking off to Tofino.. but damn it I hate being broke. I also didn’t want to drive three and a half hours. So then I decided on Hornby. Such a very, very cool place.

To be Continued…

So the other day I was traveling to an undisclosed location in search of some new trails to bike… I hopped one ferry then the second ferry all the while thinking about all the places I have visited upon this beautiful Island we call home. My children were visiting their father for the weekend and I was thinking about that too… I love hiking, I love hiking alone actually. It’s the most freeing, relaxing, liberating, rejuvenating thing that I do for myself. I usually have some ‘safer’ hiking spots to go alone that I use as my go to when I have unexpected time off, but being that we are still in winter err I mean spring I needed a new place that was at sea level.

While sitting on the ferry I spent time thinking about how I could connect with my daughter or both my kids really while I was off on these solo treks… it’s hard to explain fully what I see and where I go… and obviously I miss them terribly all the time even when it’s only been a day… so I decided to find a traveling companion… A really photogenic traveling companion… Now a days with GPS, satellite positioning, and mobile networks… there are so many places that I am shocked to be receiving cell service… but if I can receive a txt I decided I can certainly send a picture to a certain little girls email address :) Here my plan is hatched.

Viola, as we are remotely connected – via emails, tada; they can experience my adventures right along with me, no matter where I am.

Great Idea, but as I was two islands away from home, so where to find a traveling companion… AND not just ANY traveling companion… I certainly did NOT want a complainer… but one that is soft, light, quiet and cute?? No small task.

It’s funny though, the best laid plans sometimes are the ones that have no planning at all. I stopped at a little market in search of this Infamous Trail Map that according to legend… has all the spider web like single track you can handle completely mapped out! Cool right!! New territory… ahh in my excitement I digress.

So back to the Moose, I am in there on the island; two away from home and come upon this Market filled very random stuff and in the corner of this very random market an even more random corner of Easter paraphernalia. It’s had Easter Eggs, and little hopping chicks that wind up and pop up and down, fuzzy plush bunnies, egg decorating kits, glass staining kids, stickers, bunny ears, bunny hats… and right in the very middle of all this pastel Easter cartel was a fuzzy BROWN Moose!

Now if that moose was not meant to be…. So I scooped her up and away we went. I was keen on the idea, it was funny to me… being in the middle of bloody no where and setting up these ridiculous shots. It made me giggly because I KNEW my daughter was going to LOVE it.

I carried on, spent my day in the sun, explored actually stayed off my bike and went on foot, had my rejuvenating day and enjoyed every second.

When I went to pick up my kids the next day I had “Maggie” whom I thought was a little girl moose and having named her on the fly and that it rhymed I thought was fairly clever… Maggie the Moose- sounds good right!? I had her in the front seat of my jeep all buckled in… When you’re gonna do something, do it right! I always say, so I figured the best way to introduce the idea in real life was to keep up the rouse.

Kids- meet Maggie. Maggie- meet the kids. As I surmised they laughed and thought it was a great and fun way to see me while they were away, they passed Maggie back and forth checking out her fuzziness and the spot of sticky that was her first travel mark… (a bit of tree sap) and solemnly declared, “Mom, this is NOT a girl. This moose has a beard!! We think we should name HIM Canuck.” Lots of giggle and questions later, we arrived home happy and celebrating the weekend.

And there you have it, the HER is now a HIM and how he came to fit into our family, and might I add that “he” fits perfectly- right into the side pouch on my bag….

I think this is the beginning of some good times, Canuck the Great Canadian Moose and Me ❤

..boo to monday..

Happy Monday. It’s what I am saying to myself in the off chance that I may actually feel it at some point. I just spent the last half an hour reading some travel journals on a National Geographic website. I admit that made me feel a little bit happy. Machu Pitchu, You will be mine!

I am not out side at the moment because I have a sickly here today, my son whom had just spent the weekend with his father, spent it very, very sick. I found that hard, not being there. Well I guess at least he had his grandma to care for him, and she did all the right things actually above and beyond my expectations.

I am having mixed emotions about all of that, this weekend and the kids being away. I have been very conscience of what I have been saying and more importantly NOT saying. My DD has been talking NON-STOP about EX’s new girlfriend. Only, my DD says she is not Dad’s girlfriend; she just needs to stay there for a little while because she has mean parents. That might sound like a weird thing to say, but the girlfriend is only 19… Not even twenty as I originally thought. Ewwwww right. He’s old. So they are in the phase where the girlfriend is really being nice to my Dd to gain the approval of my Ex but also to win over my DD. I feel frustrated because they are all such a bunch of liars and I hate that another woman is getting close to my kids. She is doing crafts and buying Dd things. It’s kinda freaking me out, because I don’t want this new GF to try and be all mommy replacement. She is soooo young. Actually to be perfectly honest, it scares me. I don’t want to lose my DD and it’s already such a struggle. My Ex and his whole family dote on Dd, they treat her like she is five rather than eleven so I am constantly encouraging her to be responsible, to act age appropriate not in her play time, but in her daily interactions, to talk and act appropriate to her actual maturity level.. Gosh then we have a weekend like the last one and Dd plays right into it. She loves it.

There are so many more things to worry about there. Ex is getting in so much deeper his “friends”. I mean I get it, to any girl with Daddy issues and a self esteem problem, EX is a great solution, and he has this weird air of super confidence that is reassuring… Trust me I get it. But in the real world, that’s not charming… Bad boys are not the ones you want to marry; they are not the ones you want to share kids with… It’s often really embarrassing. So she the GF is getting treated like this really important object, going out for meals constantly, being around all these ‘scary’ people… she likes to party, I heard that already, and why not. Easy Peasy.

Gosh, I feel such a sense of unease. I wish so whole heartedly that I didn’t have to share my kids with such a sociopath. I wish that I never had to ever see or hear from him again. The scary thing there too, is he feels the same way. He is crazy and I have not one thing in common with him, we are like strangers. I tried to ask him over the weekend for updates on Ds (my son) and he wouldn’t even give them to me, he simply said I got it; I am taking care of it.

That’s one of the reasons I took off this weekend. I need to do it when they are away I would go crazy if I had to stay home alone when I can’t even really talk with my kids. I know this is probably not healthy the way I am so wrapped up into my role as a Mom. I’ll address it fully, but not yet. I will slowly learn about me, but slowly on my own time.

I want to be there for them, to teach them, to help them feel secure, to help them grow and mature… I know it’s so ridiculously hard doing it alone, but well… sic vita EST.

Sheeesh I really feel like oh I don’t know, frustrated I guess. I hate not being in control. I feel like there are way too many things out of my control at the moment. I think I am going to vent for a second.

WARNING- TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DON”T WANT TO READ INCESSANT WHINING.

I am so angry with M&G; they are so manipulative it grates on my nerve soooo freaking bad. They are telling everyone that I resigned that I didn’t want to work with the youth anymore and now they are just in their seventh heaven with all there new ideas. Like frick, how much else should I have handled it? I really didn’t like working with M; at the end she was emailing me bullshit stuff like, why are you so defensive?? This came after I bitched her out for cutting me out of plans and going around me for youth related stuff as well as the prep for one of my seniors that is being baptized soon. It’s freaking nuts, and she actually has the gall to lie to my face, saying… Oh I don’t know what you are talking about and I think it’s all in your head we are not trying to cut you out… Yeah right! Jerk. If I would have been able to move back to Port I would have had no trouble putting her in her place but knowing that I have to stay here, I just gave in. She can win, I resigned. BUT YOU Beep IT WASN’T CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO WORK WITH THE YOUTH.

Then well you already know all about the stuff with EX. He’s an idiot, but a smart and cruel and capable one that scares the hell out of me.

Well the last frustrating thing is my job here. I HATE working here, not because I hate my job, I love the kids and I love what I do.. but I HATE working for my boss. He makes me feel so uncomfortable and I feel like I have to stay and be uncomfortable because I need the job. Well that makes me feel a bit like I don’t know, just uncomfortable. Man I think I know how woman in the 50′s and 60′s must have felt being harassed all the freakin time. The only thing he isn’t openly doing ANYTHING except being really nice to me now, but the only damn reason he is being so nice is because he knows I am not doing anything ‘inappropriate’, according to him; like seeing anyone, or going out much, or having a social life out side of the church. As soon as he noticed that, he started being all nice again. So I’m like- hanging in the balance. If he is thinking I am being ‘good‘ then my job is cake, if he feels like I am straying off the ‘path‘ my job is in jeopardy. This is no different than my marriage; it’s just got different scenery. WTF!

I stopped writing for awhile and went down stairs and mopped my floors and organized some stuff, lol purging my house it makes me feel in control and a bit better over all. I will write about my weekend in a different post this one is all negative :(