..speechless..

I don’t really know really what to say, I just got a message from Dh that he is sitting at the courthouse. Crown Counsel is seeking jail time right now. We are in a bit of a legal battle these days over all the assault charges. It’s kinda messy.

I started this post a few hours ago, now it’s after lunch and I am absolutely exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night, I had dreams, nightmares actually and woke up a bunch of times near 3 am. I prayed when I woke up but still I didn’t feel rested when I got out of bed.

Yesterday was kind of a good day, I didn’t do much at all in the morning I walked to Mass. That was kinda neat because I prayed the Rosary along the way. There is just something about praying the rosary while walking. It truly allows me to meditate without being distracted by intrusive thoughts.

I literally lounged around all day, I did do something good/useful – I helped out this lady that had also just moved here. We met the other day in the lobby of the church, while I was waiting for Ds to finish his reconciliation. She the woman had to move quickly due to her husband’s job so their family basically just closed up their house in northern BC and came here. I lent her my computer and set her up with a Gmail so she could browse places on Craigslist. I am happy to say they found something by evening too which was fantastic.

Besides that and the lounging, I went for a run. I figured out the Kms today and guess it was around 8.5k. It was sooo beautiful, I ran the coast and then up this long winding hill and then down a stretch that went for miles and miles. It was so serene. There was a powerful sent of flowers in the air and the quiet was precious. When I reached the summit, I was astonished by what I saw. A bay and a long coastline, way down below me and ocean as far as the eye could see. Breathtaking and glorious. I felt so thankful to be there. I am thankful to be here period. I turned back and ran making my way home. The run felt purely rejuvenating. I have been sick again, so it helped at least for a short time.

Last night I was quite sick again, nauseous, second day of it this time. So far. After my shower I went to sleep fairly early. Around ten pm I guess.

Today I woke up like usual, tired but at my usual time. I did something strange. When I got out of bed, I got out on the opposite side I normally do. So being the closet superstitious gal that I am I thought to my self, “oh no, wrong side of the bed” I know it’s weird and wrong, God is the only one who influences my life, not some silly superstition. I shouldn’t limit God in this way.

Since it was so nice out again, I decided to walk to Mass again. I prayed the same way as yesterday but today I arrived to the church at the 4th decade, so I went inside and said it before the Blessed Sacrament. It was a good way to finish. Very powerful. I had this awareness all day that I would need strong prayers. It was strange. Then I went to my pew and waited for Mass to begin.

Would you like to hear what the Gospel said today?

Matthew 11:28-30
Jesus exclaimed, ‘Come to me, all you who labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light.’
Today is also St Bonaventure’s Feast day, that is a story for another time though.
After Mass, I felt this weird unrest, a desperate unrest. I went to the Divine Mercy picture and prayed a Chaplet there and then I walked home. When I had my phone off at the church, I missed two calls both were from Dh. When I got home I did one more thing, I lit my special prayer candle. It comes from Mexico and is blessed by a priest. I have never not had a prayer answered when this candle has been lit. It’s powerful and not to be used lightly. Today the entire day, all my prayers were for one thing and one thing only, a FIAT. An unswerving YES LORD. I prayed to be obedient to His will and that His will may be done in our lives. Dh ‘s too. SO what ever happened today would be by the grace of God for His greater good. It’s was like entrusting this huge problem into His loving hands and with that I found peace.
Dh didn’t end up going to jail. In fact I am relived. We have a second chance to get everything done, settle our custody arrangement, cement our lives separated from one another. He in forbidden by law to speak to me by person, phone or text message. We may only communicate by email. Dh is forbidden from stepping foot into my town. He isn’t allowed here at all, not for any reason. Not just to my address, but to the entire TOWN! Our trial is going to be Oct. 8th 2010. He still may get jail time, so with that in mind, I will save my pennies because I am very sure he isn’t planning on helping us out financially from jail.
Wow what a long day. I think I will have a nap. (It’s 1 41 in the afternoon)
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