Today I am taking my kids to see inside of our new home. Today I am 30 years old and I am for the first time independently going to visit MY new home. This is a huge step for me. I have been codependent with DH since I was 16 years old. We have had our very unhealthy attachment since the beginning, He took care of me, supported me financially in all that I do.. But in the same breath, he put me down and took my life away, giving me only a short leashed half life into a shadow existence. Into His Shadow!!
Today, I break free of the darkness, today is the day I walk into the light.
Now, six months after our mandatory separation, I am stepping off the dock into the idyllic clean, healthy water of my future. I am a good swimmer, I am not afraid to go down, I am just a little hesitant because the water is cold and I’ll have to get used to it.
It’s a good positive move. I can do it. I am smart, capable, reliable, hardworking, and a good mother.. I can do this for us.
I guess I had better get on with it. Time to start the first day of the rest of my life. I’m glad it’s Thursday.
On another note, I need a run. I think I am addicted. I think my body craves that push of endurance and adrenaline like the local junky needs his next fix. I am not twitching around but I am certainly missing it. I hope to go this evening. Maybe after the kids go to Dh. Breath of fresh air, lots of intense green hues, calming silence, the only noise is the delicate whistle of ruffling leaves, the shimmer that catches my eye, I am at home there in the woods, I focus on the steady drum beat of my feet and the rhythmic thudding of my heart.. I love to run, I love to run in the woods.