..attitude..

Yesterday as I was saying good bye to my old friend Joe. Literally an old friend, he is 96 years old. He told me and these were his parting words, “Life is all about attitude, ifs up to you what you do, whether you act, whether you work hard, whether you keep a good attitude. A positive attitude will change your entire life.” “This I think is the key, to really be where you are, focus on what you want, be kind to those you meet along the way, try your best in everything you do, and pray.”

Joe, reminds me of what I think St. Joseph would have been like, a selfless, hard working, generous, loving, extremely kind, smart man. His wife of twenty years, (his second wife, as his first died from cancer) had an accident on the eve of their departure, she broke her pelvis in two places. With the help of two granddaughters and an air ambulance, Margaret was going to be moved to a city hospital and Joe was going to stay at their granddaughters house.

This was a major disruption, they have been working so hard over the last three weeks preparing to move. I think they have aged six months over the last three weeks and now this accident. However, the attitude stayed steady. You know what he told me. “This is God’s will, I think I must have some unfinished business, to attend to before I move to Ontario.” He told me this with certainty.

He said this solution of moving was literally an answer to his prayers, and if this obstacle has come for what ever reason, than so be it. “Your will, not my will.”

Such an obedient attitude.

I learned many things over that last year and a half that I have been working for them. Margaret is a tough! lady. She is strong and smart and very confident. She taught me to stand up for my self and demand justice in all situations. She taught me about equality in marriage and that if I chose to be single, that the world is STILL my oyster.  This woman raised two sons on her own since she was in her twenties, taught at the university of Chicago a political science teacher, retired and backpacked around the world three separate times, the first two doing it completely alone! AND remarried in her 70’s to live twenty more years happily married with a man she loved playing crib with.

In their marriage all the big decisions where made together. She never just took care of things alone. It was such a good example.

I will miss them terribly. It’s where I spend a portion of each day Monday through Friday, six months of the year.

On another note, I didn’t take a photo of them. I didn’t even think about doing it. I need to start taking my camera around again. I haven’t been lately. For months even, no pictures.

So my foot is starting to ache again. On Friday I went to emergency and they made a hole in my toe nail that helped a little bit because it released the pressure. Now though I am dealing with blood, so I have to be careful.

Okay, on with the day I guess. I am going to try and get my children ready for Mass with out issues.

Can I share a quick secret. I have been dealing with Dh a bit more in the last week. He has been around ‘helping’. In fact he did help and I appreciate the effort but it’s more and more clear that our marriage is over. I don’t dislike him or anything, but I have no pull towards him physically or emotionally. That’s new. So we can be in the same vicinity as long as he is being civil so will I be. But the secret part is, I like it when he helps me with Ds. After all these months of dealing with turmoil it’s sort of satisfactory to see him struggling. And it’s helpful. More even then his mowing my back lawn because I am on crutches. What is happening now is, we are sharing space, our kids are seeing us interacting and reacting to things, dh is FINALLY being removed from that shiny glow of .. I can’t think if the appropriate word. But it’s like the illusion is fading and our kids are witnessing first hand the truth of our situation. Here is the kicker though, I HAVE CHANGED 100 PERCENT over the last 6 months, Dh has not.

Wow, I am listening to a score from the movie Tears from the Sun, it’s really good I have goosebumps.

So my confidence is roaring, I am my OWN person. Dh is the same guy. The kids see, I handle my self very differently now. In regard to them, to him, to everyone. I am so happy I could cry. Freedom, it has come at such a great price. But I made it. I don’t doubt there will be trouble ahead, but I can do it. I will. On my own terms. Me and God. My life, respect for myself, my body, my family, my parents, direction, dreams, peace. Hard work, sacrifice, struggle, friends, simple conversations, truth, integrity, faith, warmth, trust. I am so thankful.

Thanks be to God!

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