..not quite a bowl of cherries..

Life that is, specifically mine.

I have had a rough go again. DH is killing me with his tactics. It’s more meanness than I have ever encountered in my life, and I am finding I am seriously not prepared for it. I need to keep steady, I am turning my entire soul to God, begging for strength and protection.

This weekend was quite hard. On Saturday I had the kids with me, they both weren’t feeling 100% great but we did alright through the day. I let them take it easy and I organized and did some heavy spring cleaning. Our playroom, is so simplified now. It made me feel great to complete that task. I asked the kids to do one or two little things to pitch in. It was alright.

That morning, I left at 6 45am and went for my bike ride, I have started cross training, running and mountain biking. Last Wed. I went on a huge ride about 35km. It took 2h 21min and felt so good. So I asked my partner (running partner) if rather than running on Sat. morning, she would like a ride. It was fun, hard, exhilaration and exactly what I needed to de-stress and rejuvenate.

We had a nice breakfast the kids and I when I got home. I like to go so early because It works out that they are just waking up when I finish my run or my ride.

Okay on with the day, Ds had a birthday party to go to. Dd and I had her birthday party to prepare for the next day so we went shopping a little bit while Ds was at his friends party. I prepared all the food for Dd’s party that evening and then the kids and I sat down to watch a movie together.

We watched The Blind Side. It was so incredibly good, a clean christian movie, good moral, great values, it was all about charity, true charity as in love. PLUS it’s a football movie. My goodness I recommend it a thousand times. I loved it that much.

Then the next day, Sunday I got up around six. I am rising earlier again, I like that so much better. I prepared the rest of Dd’s party stuff plus I made preparation for our Sunday night dinner.

Since I was feeling pretty steady and nice I called Dh’s sister (the one that hates me and is rarely even civil to me) But I was feeling generous, I invited her and Dh over for dinner. I wanted to make something good to eat, I prepared Tostadas. It’s a meal with many steps, but is worth the effort because it tastes so good.

After a bit of struggle with Ds we all went to Mass. Yesterday was Palm Sunday, the 40th day of Lent. And the beginning of Holy Week. It was a nice Mass, but long because of the Gospel. After Mass I argued with Ds for quite a little while he didn’t want to come to Dd’s party, so I gave in a left him at home. BUT not before taking a tiny piece of electrical tape and putting it over the inner part of the Modem cable. Ha, tricky me made the Internet stop working. So Ds couldn’t be on line while I was not at home.

Dd and I went to her party, it was fun. It was a rollerskating party, she had lots of fun. During that time, Dh went to our house and picked up Ds.  I should have known that if he couldn’t go online here, he’d just go to his Dad’s.

After the party, SIL the evil SIL came and picked up Dd too. So I was home alone for a few hours. I was tired, the party was a constant mess to clean up, so many spills, running around makeing sure everyone had everything they needed. It’s a bit exhausting.

I told Dh, and I told SIL that dinner was at 6 30 sharp. So they would be back in time. I set the table had everything ready, and when the time rolled around, they didn’t show up. I looked at my cell phone and saw about 9 missed calls and messages. All- where are you, what are you doing, who are you with.

So I called them and said I am at home waiting for you guys to show up, dinner is ready. What where they doing when I called? They were at a restaurant having Sushi.

I asked them why, they said the kids were hungry. I asked why they didn’t just come here then, and DH said well I didn’t want to get into trouble. As I am not supposed to be there.

WTF.

He comes every other day. On Thursday when I tried to explaining that the kids and I had plans, he came straight over and shut the door in the laundry room and yelled at me trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend an afternoon with my kids alone. He yelled until I cried and then he left.

So I spent hours making that dinner yesterday for nothing. Talk about rude. Then on the phone he has the audacity to accuse me of cheating. Again WTF. I was here all afternoon, I cleaned up from the Birthday party, I finished dinner, I went to the church for about 30 mins to pray rosary and then I was back at home cleaning and doing laundry. Hardly something scandalous.

It wasn’t nice at all it was so rude.

Then after the kids got home, I was preparing the evening routine and when it was time to bed I told Ds ” K bud, time for bed.” He said, ” No, I am not tired.” I said, “All the same you still have to get your jammies on, brush your teeth and get upstairs.” He said, “No, you can’t make me. What can you do? You can’t make me do it. There is not one thing you can do to make me, I’d like to see you try!”

I took a calming breath, because I was thinking about all the things I would like to say to him at the moment, things about how much of a spoiled rotten brat I though he was acting like.

But I didn’t- instead I silently prayed. Fervent silent prayers.

Then he got up and went upstairs. On the way up he turned to me and in the sweetest calmest voice said, ” look mom, there isn’t one thing you can do to me, because if you try to make me do things I don’t want to I will just call child protection services and tell them you are crazy, and they won’t make me stay with you!”

And rather than be shocked, I said, “okay Darling, get the phone, I’ll dial it for you.” It went back and forth for a few minutes, until with much resistance he went to bed mad.

This whole situation is devastating. What ever Dh is telling them, they are turning away from me blindly. Am I going to lose my whole life, my family, my children? It’s just so awful.

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