..luminous..

I like Thursday’s, I think it originally came from the rosary, I love praying the luminous mysteries. You see for the longest time I have been praying for someone else’s conversion and I guess these mysteries always seems stronger, like a stronger prayer. I always make time today, for these prayers. It’s my most peaceful day of the week, I don’t know if that is becuase of the prayers or not but that’s the way it is.

Joyful Mysteries

  1. The Annunciation. Fruit of the Mystery: Humility
  2. The Visitation. Fruit of the Mystery: Love of Neighbor
  3. The Nativity. Fruit of the Mystery: Poverty (poor in spirit), Detachment from the things of the world, Contempt of Riches, Love of the Poor
  4. The Presentation of Jesus at the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: Purity, Obedience
  5. The Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: True Wisdom and True Conversion, Piety, Joy of Finding Jesus

Luminous Mysteries

  1. The Baptism of Jesus in the Jordan. Fruit of the Mystery: Openness to the Holy Spirit-the Healer. (for conversion of heart)
  2. The Wedding at Cana. Fruit of the Mystery: To Jesus through Mary. The understanding of the ability to manifest-through faith.
  3. Jesus’ Proclamation of the Kingdom of God. Fruit of the Mystery: Trust in God
  4. The Transfiguration. Fruit of the Mystery: Desire for Holiness
  5. The Institution of the Eucharist. Fruit of the Mystery: Adoration

Sorrowful Mysteries

  1. The Agony in the Garden. Fruit of the Mystery: Sorrow for Sin, Uniformity with the will of God
  2. The Scourging at the Pillar. Fruit of the Mystery: Mortification, Purity
  3. The Crowning with Thorns. Fruit of the Mystery: Contempt of the world, Courage
  4. The Carrying of the Cross. Fruit of the Mystery: Patience
  5. The Crucifixion. Fruit of the Mystery: Salvation, Forgiveness

Glorious Mysteries

  1. The Resurrection. Fruit of the Mystery: Faith
  2. The Ascension. Fruit of the Mystery: Hope and desire for ascension to Heaven
  3. The Descent of the Holy Spirit. Fruit of the Mystery: Holy Wisdom to know the truth and share with everyone, Divine Charity, Worship of the Holy Spirit
  4. The Assumption of Mary. Fruit of the Mystery: Grace of a Happy Death and True Devotion towards Mary
  5. The Coronation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance and Crown of Glory, Trust in Mary’s Intercession

So this is what’s it all about.

Today, the IL’s are out. They have my car, I asked them to put gas in it. I felt weird to ask like I always do but I am broke presently so why should they drive it with out putting gas. They use it all the time and unfortunately like every other darn thing, they are destroying it.

I have never encountered two more uninterested people, they don’t care to care for anything. It’s hurts to watch, becuase I know the effort that I have put into securing the things around me.

Sometimes I wonder if that, the abuse of our things is a lesson to me? Is it a lesson in humility and poverty, to lesson my attachment to the material things around me? It’s just stuff I tell myself, if they break it, my health is in tact, I will live.

I guess since they will be leaving in 10 days, I can hang on that long. However I am seriously considering changing the locks on the doors after they go.

I am still puzzled about the situation with Dh, it’s so complicated. I wish I knew what was going to happen.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I had a great day. It’s the very beginning of Lent. I am hopeful in the Lord, I am reconciling my self with his will. Yesterday He tested me, and becuase of my little faith, and His mercy upon me; His grace abounded.

I am so thankful. I was like all the other Catholic faithful, fasting, and before I started my day, becuase well I was going to be spending alot of time with the one person on the plant that I struggle for Purity with, I prayed the rosary before the Blessed Sacrament. I begged to remain pure. I can’t tell you a better way to arm yourself spiritually that with a rosary there and to add spiritual fasting to the regiment. Jesus says, prayer and fasting are our greatest weapons!

We had Mass that afternoon, and you know what came to me. I think my Father wants us, each of us to call each other to Holiness. I felt like a child, listening, thinking about my friends in Christ. He sent his Holy Spirit to me, I am sure of it. AND in an overwhelming way, He says, Do you love me? I replied Yes Lord, Filios. AND I meant it.

It was weird, strange, and peaceful. I got caught off guard by some of what AW said to me.  I never can tell what she is thinking, or what is sinceriously true. But I believed her yesterday.. Not that makes a difference, but in a way it does. That was the other thing that kept coming into my mind, and its strange becuase I did not know this, but this is the Gospel reading for today.

Luke 9:22-25
Jesus said to his disciples: ‘The Son of Man is destined to suffer grievously, to be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes and to be put to death, and to be raised up on the third day.’
  Then to all he said, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me. For anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, that man will save it. What gain, then, is it for a man to have won the whole world and to have lost or ruined his very self?’
 
Last night, I started the Gospel of St. John. I have never read it before and even though I am in the middle of three other books, two of which are spiritually developing, I just felt this Lent the Gospel of St. John will important for me, for my faith, for my spiritual growth and for my journey.
So what did I come across, Come and See..
Well I guess I better get to my duties.
I sure like this feeling in my head alot better. I am going to see the Victim Services lady today, she is going to help me arrange counseling. I feel like, there is something so much bigger than me going on now.
Oh yeah one more thing, so last night, while I was in the shower, I started to think back upon the day, the conversations. I guess I had a weak moment. I felt a surge of frustration.
Okay housework time.
Have a blessed day readers~

..another tuesday..

Now that the computer is located here, it’s like typing from the inner ring of a circus. Well at least the IL’s are out tonight. My kids and I are watching American Idol.

Oops spoke to soon, In Law number two is home. I thought I’d give a quick little update as today in Tuesday, my usual “bad” day that turned out to be pretty darn good.

I got up fine, I was a little bit tired but we made it to school on time. I went grocery shopping, then called my mom, came home cleaned up a bit, went to the school to watch Ds complete in the Knights of Columbus Free throw competition. Last year he won Gold for our entire Island. I think he did okay today too, he was competing against the older kids so the competition was tougher.

I came back home AGAIN, well I came home after I went for a TAN. Yes I did. It felt soooo good too! I said last Thanksgiving , no more tanning. Well My life basically went to hell after last thanksgiving. So now that I am coming back to the land of the living, I really felt the need for some artificial vitamin D. It was nice, I forgot how nice it really was.

After-school today, we had our final basketball game. My kids won, our official season was 10W-2L. Not bad considering we had a record of 12-1 last year. They worked hard, I imposed a tough schedule, we practiced three times a week, fitness, drills and scrimmage. So they truly deserve all the victories.

What will I do with all my free time now that the season is over? I guess work LOL, since I have a job now.

So today is Shrove Tuesday. I really wanted to go to Mass tonight. It just didn’t work out though, the kids were so crabby, dinner was late, and there was lots of homework to be done. So here we are all done. Now it’s sooo close to bed time, I am ready tonight. I am pretty tired actually. We will watch AI becuase it’s what we do, then we will all go to bed.

It’s so strange having Dh away all this time. I miss him a little bit. He called to help Dd with her homework. It’s okay I guess. This new way, I pray everyday though that he doesn’t get jail time. It’s not right, he doesn’t deserve it, he does deserve alot of things, but he’s not that guy.

I heard something on EWTN today, my favorite radio show is this one called the Reasons for Faith, I love it, I love the scripture, the hosts are great. It comes on every Tuesday at 11 my time. Anyway they referred to this scripture out of the book of St. James.

“My brothers and sisters, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and is brought back by another,  you should know that whoever brings back a sinner from wandering will save the sinner’s soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

Isn’t that beautiful, It’s an affirmation to me, to continue my prayers for complete conversion for dh. Whether we are married or not doesn’t effect the fact that I pray for his conversion. I want eternal rewards for him, I want to save his life, I want him to choose Christ, EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Well AI is over, time to head to bed. Fight the good fight, for Christ. Beg the Lord to defend us in battle.

Sweet dreams readers~

..i’m back..again..

Yup, it’s seems I have made it through. Like very few others out there that I know, I really like Mondays. Another week, a new day, another chance. I took some initiative on Thursday and did something REALLY hard. But the benefits were incredibly immediate. I feel a pressure had been removed, the weight on my chest lessened dramatically.

It’s sad, I am a little sad, but more or less I am just nothing. The emotions I am so accustomed too are really at a minimum right now. Life will be different but at least I will be able to be free. Free from the discord, the discourse of my hands. I know the sadness will come back the longing, the wishful thinking but I will work as hard as I can be present to what is in front of me, becuase that is justly what I am called to do. My vocation, is my motherhood, my marriage, my commitment to God, to the Youth, to a life lived in moments, encounters.. one at a time.

 

Over the weekend, I went hiking. It was a terribly stormy weekend and on the west coast, we get them like no place else. But it was cleansing. It was a risk that I felt compelled to take. It was right. We stayed in a cabin, an old style fishing cabin on stilts over looking the ocean. It was so sensory there, the crashing waves, the warmth that only a log cabin can provide, the lush green of old mans beard and moss on every tree, the whipping wind roaring through the trees,when we hiked, it was dangerous and exciting, we were drenched and it was challenging it felt like us against the elements.. I needed that, I need that to snap back into life. It was the breath of God, His wrath and His mercy bestowed upon me.

After the hike, we relaxed in a hot tub, wind and rain and sea and salty air enveloping me right there. The contrasting hot water, and icy rain was a feast on the senses.

I needed exactly that, to stop, to get away from all modern gadgetry, no phone, internet, TV.. Just purity. To recharge my soul. I read and relaxed and spent quality time with my family. No talking, just conversations, easy conversations. Honestly talking. That was so new. I don’t know- I know reality is here, in the present, with the daily grind, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s the moment, the realizations of our origin and of our destiny that makes life truly count. Even the daily grind.

I am ready to work again. I know the darkness will come back and now I also have to deal with the aftermath.. which is a consequence.. of the darkness. I don’t know, I just know for certain that I will be okay. God is here. Even amongst the trial of life, He is here.