..where to begin..

I guess at the beginning. What a complete disaster. I don’t have a ton of time as usual but I will try and explain.

I got caught in the heat of the moment and I went to the police regarding my dh, that was last Thursday morning, it hasn’t even been a week yet it feels like a century. The emotional magnitude has been crazy. I went, to report him but now having stepped back from the emotions I am not at all sure why. I guess I could say my friends were leading me, they were convincing me that this was the only option, “you can’t let him hurt you, you can’t let him control you, you can’t let him abuse you emotionally” But more than anything I just couldn’t do it any more. I was scared and it was like I was watching the situation unfold outside of myself. He was yelling and wouldn’t let me out of the closet. I just panicked. I do not want to die at he’s out of control hand. I played into the emotions which for some unknown reason, didn’t seem wrong to me, but now that all things are out of my control I have no idea what to do. I am really scared. I don’t know how to live with out him. I don’t mean that in a ‘I love him’ sort of way, it’s I am scared of the unknown and I don’t know a life with out him controlling me.

Dh was arrested after-work Thursday and held until Friday evening, I told them that in the past he had been physically violent with me, and that I was thinking about separating from him.

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