Inevitability, my life belongs to Another..
The awareness of time passed can help us to remain attentive to the Christian Experience, here and now, to be ready.
I am struck by passing time, I am aware of the moments that happen to me, it strikes me as I make my judgements upon how I spend my time. Do you know when you are dreaming? Are you aware if you are in a dream or if you are awake. I spent time, much of my life even- was spent in a dream. I saw faces, I experienced all the shades around me, with out a single conscience judgment. I didn’t see Christ at all. I didn’t know his face. I was daydreaming while aiming for perfection (fr. Giussani)
Where was the effort? There was no effort. What does it mean to “Look Christ in the face?” to me, it means taking a risk, making an effort, it means to recognize him in a very substantial way. To see his presence in my daily life.
This is not an abstract idea, it is an effort! I change; it’s impossible not to change after the encounter with the face of Christ. But I need effort. Constant effort, It is my own free will that this attentiveness can be constructed. What do I desire? What corresponds to my heart, that is to say what makes me happy? Is my deepest desire for good? For truth, for poverty of spirit which leads to a complete abandonment to His will. Am I obedient? Do I have my gaze upon the Mystery? Is that where I am going? “I am with You, oh Lord, I am with You who are my strength. ”
The one who made me, knows me, Living the Mystery doesn’t require me to have a perfect heart, He desires only that I ask, that I beg to be made clean. It is in this state of trust, this measure that I impose upon my soul, that in reality corresponds effectively to my soul. I am the prodigal, I am the one that comes home and is welcomed into the great feast.
This return home, this awareness of the Mystery, of desire, of inner poverty is precisely why the passage of time becomes eminent.
We are struck by the awareness of time past, of the time that has passed, of time that passes. I say of time that has passed because this is also a summery of how we have behaved, of how we have used this time, aware of time past, and therefore aware of time that passes..
The awareness of time enlightens us, makes us shrewder time that passes can activate us in a more intelligent way.
To be continued…