..disappear..

My goal at the moment is to disappear, not in a strange way that would cause one to worry but in a concentrated effort to simplify my life and get rid of all the things standing between myself and Christ. In CL the description would be lessening the I and bringing forth the You.

I started reading a phenomenal book, which really started because I was searching for something, I was unhappy and disquieted.. I knew I needed something a bit more. Pray with out ceasing right?

 I was suggested to read and follow the book called; On the passion of Christ by Thomas a Kempis. It’s a beautiful book, one in which I think I’d enjoy my own copy as I believe it could be read over and over especially during adoration, but anyway that book kept referring to this other book called; An imitation of Christ. It’s by the same author.

That’s the one I downloaded yesterday from itunes. So I got to work and started to listen, about two hours in I was shocked it had already been two hours. It’s simply profound. Bare-bones essential. Beautiful and truthful and most of all simple and to the point.

Amazing. Humbling. Poetic.

So this text I have been reading, along with most of the text of Fr. Guisanni is creating a strong desire to simplify and to do all things for the love of God and nothing else. With a ‘perfect’ love for God, all else is secondary and will fall into place. That’s my biggest struggle, I am so swept along, I am so unhappy right now, and that pointless.

We are travelers, Pilgrims even, in this life. We are on a journey, the important thing is not to lose site of our destiny, our real home, the one from above. All things, even trials are before us for a purpose. I have to try harder to recognize Christ presents, his influence and to be more thankful.

I struggle with many things, but some of the biggest are vanity, and pride. I want so dearly to be loved and to fit in, but I’m trying to fit in with the wrong crowd. I need to recognise my need to be alone, I need to find a comfortable place alone. I am not one that does well in social atmospheres. If I were a religious, I’d be in a secluded convent working and praying. I’d find comfort in my cell. I just know it.

Anyway having been reaffirmed, yesterday went alot better. I was able to be more attentive to the needs around me and I found some peace at last.

I would recommend this book the Imitation of Christ to all, it’s going to become one of my spiritual weapons and hopefully a grave reminder to my less than humble side.

Fear God, it’s the only way to truly live.

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