..first day..

So today is the first day of the school year, the first full day I should say. Yesterday the kids got their classrooms placements and had a chance to organized their things but today is the first official day. Yippee!!

Oh I am sure I’ll miss them in a few weeks but they had gotten so bored near the end there that it will be a nice change for them to spend some time in a more productive way.

I am so please with both classroom placements. DD is in a straight grade 4 and her teacher is a wonderful lady that really knows her stuff. My son had her in Grade 5 and she helped him tremendously, Ds has the classroom I had been waiting for since we started at this school. I think he too will have a highly productive year.

The couple of kids that were quite difficult to get along with including the brother bully team that had been threatening Ds this summer have moved on to middle school and high school in the public system to I am envisioning more peace for both my kids this year during school.

Its pouring outside right now and it’s so quiet in the house. I love the fall. It’s my favorite time of year. I like the fog and the rain and the beautiful colors everywhere outside. I know it’s not technically fall yet but on a day like today it sure feels he part. Oh and I love my sweaters.. two days in a row I’ve gotten to wear a sweater.. My favorite article of clothing is this old soft brown knitted sweater, warm and perfect.. I’ve missed it over the summer.

Anyways moving along,

As usual I have been doing some thinking. I went to confession, spent some time in prayer and have decided I need another dose of simplicity. I wonder if that’s the way it just is? As we are always moving forward in our lives if we want to keep things simple then a conscience effort must be made to do so.

In my home the tension is always high. Having the BIL and the SIL here its gotten even more so. That though is the way it is at the moment and rather than fight off the difficulties wouldn’t it just be more productive to embrace them?

I think, I am going to spend the next month or so with a conscience effort to be more reflective, to be more aware, to be more simple, so be more kind.. and when necessary I’ll use words.. I love St Francis. I want to be more like him.

Last night I had to lay the law down. I don’t know, the more time I  spend in this detached way with Dh the more I am noticing his faults. He and I are hardly ever on the same page anymore.

Last night I had to put my foot down with ds. He has been increasingly disrespectful and rude over the last few weeks. I was so pleased to spend time with him while we were away this summer but then as soon, or nearly as soon as we arrived home.. cue the return of the attitude. No manners, disrespectful not only to me but to his sister and to God. He has been walking around with this enormous chip on his shoulder.. I have no idea what to do?

Okay I wrote the beginning up until now at about 6 am this morning, when out of no where my computer shut down.. after that happened I decided to get out of bed and start my day. Which is what I did. Now it’s 11 12pm and I can’t sleep. I  have a couple of things that are worrying me so I thought I would type them out.

Okay back to my story about Ds. So last night, I told him that in order to live a productive life within our family, there must be a level of respect maintained always. I told him, he has crossed too many boundaries and until he can blend into our family in a kind and caring manner I could not allow him the privileges he so desires. I took everything. No friends, no Internet, no cell phone and no x box. I told him, I was disappointed and hurt with the way he has specifically been treating me and with the level of contempt he has shown here in general. That will not be tolerated.

It’s been so hard this summer. To be a good parent, does not necessarily make you a very likable one. I have had to say no a thousand times to him. I have no idea what I am doing, and to be honest I remember my self in grade 7, I don’t want him in the same situations I got into. I had so much freedom and no supervision. He is living the exact opposite, and hates me for it. In general I know he is a good kid. I know he is level headed but that doesnt make me any more comfortable with him being out of my site. And now, with the attitude he has had, I have a perfect example to NOT allow him the privilege of enjoying a social life.

It’s just all so frustrating and terrifying. I wish I knew I was doing the right things with him.

So there is that.

Something else that is worrying me is something that dh told me today. Over the weekend, Ds, dd and dh went to the salmon festival. Ds went with his friends a little bit before dh and dd. I wasn’t feeling very well most of the weekend so I stayed home. Apparently ds was hanging out with his friends the whole time he was there, he and dh kept in contact with check-ins and things he was safe but I guess at some point during the day he met up with M’s son N. Okay now that N has joined the group they are all still just hanging around. There were both girls and boys in this group of kids. One of the girls in the group was this girl Ds has had a crush on for a few months. I don’t exactly know what happened but the bottom line was she and N kissed. I think ds only brought this up to dh because Ds really liked her (the girl that kissed N) and was quite disappointed that N had kissed- of all the girls- that particular one.

Now what on earth am I supposed to do. I am glad ds was honest with dh at least with his feelings and what they had been up to that day, but now I don’t know if I should tell M what I know? If I tell her, she may get mad, and shoot the messenger. I think though I am more worried about what she might feel towards Ds. As it was my son N was hanging around that day, and it was my son that introduced N to that group of kids.. I feel terrible. And what is N doing kissing anybody in the first place as far as I know that was the first time he met that girl. I don’t want him to be hurt either. The kids no adays are so far ahead in these areas. A few weeks ago, Ds and C were talking to me about all this stuff and I still can’t believe some of the stuff that goes on with our kids and there friends. It makes me feel physically sick, it makes me want to take them all far, far away from here. I know I can’t hide them forever but I am not okay with this at all, so how am I supposed to no freak out?

I truly don’t now what to do. If I don’t tell her and she finds out I knew about it already, keeping it from her isn’t a kind thing to do. I would want to know, but I know I could also receive the news with out a reaction.. at least an outward one.. I hate to bring such news because I know it’s going to be very hard for her. I just feel awful. Plus Ds didn’t tell me directly, he is barley speaking to me so if he finds out I told M, that will further damage his ability to trust me with these matters. It really isn’t easy being a Mom anymore. It’s very easy to love them with everything that I am, but protecting them is becoming much more challenging…

My goodness..

I have more to write but I am finally starting to fall asleep so I think the writing helped. I will pray about it before I go to bed and hopefully I’ll have an answer or some advice?? tomorrow.

The rest of the day went pretty good, the kids both really enjoyed school today. Just as I was cooking dinner the power went out, so that made for an interesting challenge, which turned into quite a bit of fun. It was nice no tv, not artificial light, no noise.. 

I read something so beautiful tonight I just had to share it.. It’s from a written experience of a friend of mine. Some thing that he mentioned in a letter that he witnessed and then shared.

“These gentle people believe that God will provide and that they in turn will be well satisfied with whatever they receive .”

Isn’t that such a true sense of humility.

I can’t stop tracing it over in my mind. God will provide and in turn we will be satisfied… With that I am going to bed.

~Good-night.

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