..a test..

Well, no point beating around the bush, my husbands old mistress contacted me today.

I have no idea why either.  She friend-ed me on Facebook, so I let her have it and then blocked her. I wasn’t really very rude or anything I was passive aggressive though. This is what I wrote to her…

Are you kidding me?

I am sorry for you Scotia, Do you forget? I don’t.

Let me refresh your memory.. You slept with my husband, got pregnant with his child, selfishly participated in killing that baby, continued to go around being used by a married man, In a moment of desperation, called me in the middle of the night…I am sure that call was no more that a selfish desire to cause havoc in our family rather than your selflessness.

Please respect yourself and your own family and move on.

I forgive you and him for all of it. However the past is best left in the past. You’re a mother, act accordingly!

Lastly if this is some ditch attempt to look at my profile.. Is that really what would be best for you? Probably not.

I’ll pray for you Scotia. Let Go. “

What do you think? Harsh or straight to the point? Directly after I sent the message I blocked her so neither could she see my profile but she would be unable to contact me further.

I don’t know what Dh’s reaction will be but either way it felt necessary.. Like some long time coming retribution. I spent this entire year working on my self, dealing with the past, examining my entire life.. I think I handled this situation fairly well. I’ll admit my heart was pumping as I wrote the words, so I stopped and prayed, then I continued to write. I didn’t react with my emotions, I reacted with my head. I needed closure maybe I just was given the opportunity.

It’s funny how things go along. Early this morning I was burning with Jealousy. I actually had to stop myself. Long before I got the message from Scotia,  Again I prayed. I offered up that feeling of destruction, that overwhelming jealousy not for my husbands conversion but for my own personal growth in faith. I sort of felt a semi darkness lately. I really thrive in a structured church. Out here, I am working on seeing the mystery in my everyday situations. I think temptations can be high, but I keep my trust in God, even though I am not worthy, that He will keep me close.

So the reason for this Jealously, I suppose lies within the fact that i am opening my self up to Dh again. That is an incredibly vollnerable place for me to be. It’s soooo hard to trust him. I want to. I really do. But it’s like climbing Mount Everest. Hard..

It was so much easier when I was completely closed off to him. It really didn’t matter what he said, did, thought.. I didn’t care. Now though for the good of our marriage, I am taking a leap of faith.

Dh and his crew have a woman riding with them each morning, she is the first aid on the crew now. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Why does a woman have to be on their crew? I can’t imagine why she would want to. I don’t trust him so even something as innocent as this haunts me. I am torturing my self. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I keep thinking, what about the next job? In camp, do I have to worry about a woman being in their logging camps now too? What is that. A woman has NO business in that industry. Yes I am sexist. I am NOT a feminist. I hate equal rights, I hate woman working in any field that a man is dominant. I think woman should be at home taking care of children, keeping a good house, participating in volunteer societies… Not riding two hours in a truck with my Husband!

What do I do?

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