..life..

I feel a little better, my back is still quite sore but I am managing with everything alright.

Dh is gone he left a couple of hours ago. How sad, heading to camp alone on father’s day. How ironic too that he left for the same place on mother’s day. Same camp and everything.

I maybe over did it a little bit yesterday but there was just so much to do. Getting DH packed up can be a bit of a chore and I really didn’t do much to help. I did do lots of laundry. Since DH was in CR on Friday, MIL sent some Posole home with him, which turned out to be a blessing. It’s soup, so I didn’t have to make dinner.

I didn’t go to CL last night either, I was planning to but I just didn’t think I’d feel well enough to sit so still for a couple of hours straight. Next time I guess.

In the big picture, things are really going quite well. Ideal even. I am happy mostly, I am free to be me. I never in a million years imagined the possibilities that were in store for me.

So much has changed over the last 6 months, I am blessed with good friends, a family that is now able to love me, just as I am, beautiful children, a loving relationship with my Heavenly Father, a purpose for my life, good health, and peace in my heart. What more could anyone ask for, ever?

I don’t kid myself into thinking that I’ll never have another moment of sadness, tragedy or frustration but everyday I do my best, the rest I give to God. Every night, I offer my thanksgiving to Him for the beautiful moments of the day, then I beg Jesus to forgive my moments of weakness, and then I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom in all the new things I am going to be faced with. I ask my Blessed Mother to shape my heart to be more like hers, gental and pure; chaste and loving. She is my example of motherhood, I choose her kindness and her fervent Yes to be my guide.

I feel like I am whole. No longer two people in one body. I am not ashamed of myself, nor is my past holding me prisoner. It is only possible with God’s grace. I’ll never be able to show my gratitude adequately, there simply would be no way to balance the scale.

In a few days it will be summer vacation, I am looking forward to it so very much. My dear friend will be returning home from a journey, Our Shepard returning home to tend his flock.. It will be beautiful to see him again.

There are many things about to change, the numbers in our home for one. I am confident that regardless of the difficulties that may arise, we are going to be able to help. Even if it’s only in some small way. I am such a simple person, what do I know about God’s plan for me. I have prayed for guidance and things are seemingly falling into place. I Trust in Him. It’s enough.

I have been able to be open about my faith, I am seeing such glimmers in Dh that I am nearly speechless. I have prayed so long for him to lead our family in faith. I will continue to pray until I take my final breath, but with certainty I know that without God in our home, in our lives, in our hearts, in our marriage.. there’s no point.

I’ll never forget how I got here. That’s not important though, not as important as the fact that I am here.

Thank you.

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