..what a day..

Well I feel better again. There is light. I started to feel better two days ago but just marginally. On Tuesday night I forced myself to go out for a walk, I was gone two hours and it was precisely what I needed. I was much better able to cope yesterday having gotten all that fresh air and exercise. Yesterday was a hard day, well as hard and any these days. There is just so much going on in every direction, I don’t like being in a perpetual state of rush.

Yesterday, I went down town in the morning I brought SIL with me. She seems alright so far, we talked a little but I don’t really know her very well and I don’t seem to have much of anything at all in common with her. She seems really young.

After we arrived home from running errands I went back to work, this entire week even though I have so much going on with end of school I have been rearranging, organizing and generally making room for them to move in. Fine, I have to do it, and now that I am so close to finishing it’s nice. I like the way everything is looking. But it is a bit of a sacrifice and after a few days of observations, they don’t really seem to like to work, they don’t seem to want to help in any way and they don’t seem to care very much about anything. I have no idea what to do. I can’t and won’t take care of them like children, well because they are not my children. They are grown adults that are about to have a child of their own.  How can I help?? I need to find some way, but they really don’t seem to want to be helped. I just don’t know what to do, I am frustrated immeasurably over this. We had to help them monetarily a few weeks ago. They couldn’t make there rent for last month so we helped them with it but in return BIL (Brother in Law) asked if he could do some work around here. He did one thing on day, and them gave up. It was a half  job and that was all the effort put into it. The rest of the time was spent playing video games and on the computer.

I couldn’t not say something. I believe everything has a time and place and you can do what you like with in reason, but everything is moderation. Right? As an adult I do not think it’s acceptable to play video games all day, or insert any thing here that would waste immeasurable hours being unproductive. Know what I mean?

Yesterday was no different, the video game thing happened last week, the first time they came when we first discussed them moving in. It’s supposed to be a hand up, not a hand out. Okay the first task was too hard, rather decided since they were the ones moving in, they could take care of their room. Then he would call it even for the money that was lent. I left at 8:30am, my usual time. Like I said I took SIL (Sister in Law) with me we ran our errands and came home around 11:30 am. When I got home he had just begun. After I put away the groceries, I went to check my email. You know I just had a funny feeling and strange as it may be my intuition which is pretty good told me to check the monitoring program on our computer. (We have that in place obviously not for BIL but for Ds so I can check on his msn and facebook conversations) It records everything on our kids account, which is the only one open to the pubic. I saw that he was on the computer for nearly three hours. What the heck.

All he had to do was paint one room. It’s for his family, the place where his baby and wife are going to sleep. Like come on. Yes I am irritated, I am really struggling with my feelings over all of this. The idea was good but the way they are so uncaring. How can we change that? When I walked in to see how he was making out, I wanted to see how the color looked I notice there was paint on the floor (the carpet) on  my white door, and there were drips running down the wall. He just wasn’t trying very hard.

Dh got home a little while later, and then BIL asked if he could finished this another day because they had to go back to CR. Dh said it would be better to get it over with that day so we could clean up the mess and then when they wanted to move their stuff in the room would be ready. They kind of grumbled about it, so DH said he’d do it.

I just don’t really think that was very fair, BIL choose to spend 3 hours on the computer rather than finish what he has to do, so instead we finished and cleaned up, on top of the rest of the extra stuff we are already doing, and on top of dh working a full day. So because BIL wanted to play on the computer we had to finish his work. Not fair.

I have many other petty things to add, but it would be pointless to do so. All I know is tonight while I was doing my dinner dishes I was trying so very hard to think of Jesus. I was trying to respect their dignity and I was looking for Jesus within them both.  I don’t want to feel resentment towards them. I don’t want to judge them. I don’t want to wait on them hand and foot either and because they are lazy I don’t want to look at empty dishes all over my living room or be rushing around trying to stay on top of my house work, manage the extra activities the kids are involved with and complete my reorganizing while they are sitting watching. It’s not right.

Another thing, what kind of example is that for the kids, It’s the same things I am on my 9 and 11 year old case for. 

Like I said in the beginning, everything in moderation. Work first~then play.

That was long.

Did I mention I ran tonight? It was exactly what I needed. We did maybe 4 k but it was faster. It was only Fr. A and Teresa and myself. Plus I brought Moses my dog. It was fun and exsillerating and exactly the cure for my doldrums.

BIL and SIL left last night. Today was the awards ceremony at school both kids got participation awards for different things, and Ds got the principals award. Not Dd though, she was very dissapionted, but I think in exchange learned a very valuable lesson. Whom you hang around effects dearly the way you are perceived. All that drama and pettiness and cruelty that went on this year; not one in the group received the award. In Mrs. W’s whole class on 2 kids received the award.

Following that as there was about 30 mins until school got out for the day, I found out that none of the food was ordered for the family BBQ.. which is tomorrow. This is another case of my intuition. Mrs. K was supposed to ask Marge to order the meat, buns and cheese. I looked for her after the ceremony to touch base and make sure everything was on task. She looked at my like I was on Mars. She didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. Okay ~ enter panic.

I went into super efficient crisis mode. I seem to work well under pressure. With a few quick prayers to Mary I was off in search of 150 hamburgers, hot dogs, buns for both and cheese slices. Not only did I successfully secure everything we needed, I picked up my part, my original part the rest of the food, I came home and had a full meal on the table by 5:30 pm. !! Thank you Mary!! That was all her today I am sure of it.

So here I am it’s now midnight am I am typing away. I think it’s the adrenaline. I must have it still in my system from our run. That’s why I like running in the morning better, lots of energy during the day is a good thing.

Quick point, being on the computer isn’t inherantly bad, it’s late I am finished all my housework and or other duties, same with in the morning, I write while I am drinking a coffee, long before the rest of my house gets up. Sometimes I take a break durring the day, after lunch perhaps. I just don’t think its a good habit to get into when wasting time. There can be a time for everything, but all in moderation.

Hey it’s technically Friday. TGIF. I think I should at least try and sleep, I could read for awhile. Sat. is CL and I am not quite finished the section.

Blessings and Good Night~

PS  Did I mention Dh is going back into camp. He leaves on Sunday…


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