I am fairly sure this post isn’t going to be containing any amount of literary gem, for one thing I feel ill and for another I’m not really into writing at the moment. My brain is on over load. It’s like a mushy pile of cells. Why do you ask? I’ll tell you..
I have spent a lot of time with my in laws recently. I am always exhausted after any amount of time with them. So much talking, again and again. Then on the drive home, more talking. Dh is a talker.
I’ll fill in some details. A few days ago, Wed. of last week MIL brought my SIL and BIL here. Well everything started on the wrong foot, Dh got very intoxicated and we had a very bad night. I was okay through that, but I reacted poorly. I reacted worried and got angry and jealous. I immediately thought he was cheating, which he may very well have been but either way I let my emotions get the best of me. I don’t even know why it mattered, what do I care? I felt really stupid, his Mom was here, plus the other two, he was acting really embarrassing.
The next day, I went for a run in the morning, went to Mass and came home. Dh gave me a hard time at first after I got home from my run in the morning. I was prepared mentally by then. That’s what the benefit to running has been for me. I feel much better prepared to deal with all the ‘hard stuff’ that goes on in my daily life.It creates such a sense of peace and calm inside me. Anyway after I returned home, later that morning, dh was repentant. We talked a little, there really wasn’t that much to say. We decided to go ahead with our plan to help BIL and SIL. I truly feel that is what we are called to do. I 100% feel sure that is the direction I am being guided towards. As much as I am sure of that, I am also sure it’s going to be a very difficult and trying sacrifice. When I got home I was outside my house in the side yard checking on my plants and Dh can to talk to me. He wanted to know if now would be a good time to talk to them.
I did something I have never done before in front of Dh. I said out loud with out censoring my words that we should pray to the HOLY SPIRIT for guidance and support through this difficult conversation. I often think this way, but lately I have not been keeping these thoughts secret. He didn’t say anything at first but them I bowed my head and I was about to say a prayer when he interrupted me and asked if I was going to say it out loud. I was a little bit shocked, but I did anyway. It was awkward. That was the first time we have ever prayed together. Can you believe it. It felt so good.
We went in and we all talked. It went pretty well. They seemed relieved and maybe a little bit shocked. It went pretty good though I think. The rest of the day didn’t got as good, MIL was acting so nuts. I couldn’t handle her behavior so I stayed away from her. That was also the first night I went running with the professionals.. Before that though we all had dinner together and then I took ds to football.
We didn’t run until nearly 8 30. It was so hot that day, but the woods were a little cooler, to me it still felt like running in a sauna.. But maybe I’m just a little wimpy.. Ha ha.
The next day was Friday, MIL left early, she was gone by the time I got home from Mass. That day SIL made dinner, something authentically Greek. She is Greek, so her cooking technique is way different than mine. That was very helpful because that day I was out of the house all day for Dd’s track meet. It was a little cooler that day thank goodness.
It was the loudest day I have ever encountered. 5 hours of constantly screaming children.. My ears are still buzzing.
After that was over Dd and Ds had friends over. It was a rushed kind of evening, dinner was great, then it was on to the YG talent show. I went because I had said I’d volunteer but I was t-i-r-e-d. It wasn’t so bad after I got there. There was a couple of really good acts. The kids all had a good time, and I think there must have been about 50 or 60 people there.
That night was a little bit late I think I finally got to sleep around 11pm.
Saturday, I went running yet again. This was the run I was so very nervous about. It was around 8 k through the trails. I met them all around 8 am and we headed out. You know despite the difficulty of the terrain, it was so beautiful in there. There were many very scenic view points along the way. I very much enjoyed that aspect. Although I’ll admit, I didn’t look up as much as I might have if I was walking. You know me.. AKA the accident prone prone one. I had to watch the ground in front of me mostly to avoid tripping.. LOL. So after about an hour and 15 minutes we were out of the woods. I made it.
They are all very encouraging. All three of them, great sports too. I know I slowed them down and they wouldn’t even admit it. So I’ll keep working at it and hopefully it will get easier and easier. I felt drained afterward. No energy to worry about anything. It was perfect becasue..
Later that day we had to go to CR. More in laws.. more drama, more gossip, more stress, more aggravation.
I was better prepared to handle it, but unfortunately running isn’t a force field. I still felt the atmosphere around me. I was certainly over whelmed afterwards.
While there we attended Mass, it was a YG mass. It was cool for Ds to see all the green shirts leading the Mass. Since recently he has been attending a mid week youth mass, I think it was perfect timing for him to witness the unity of this other YG. While there, I saw some old friends. We got a change to say hello to the kids old principal, his wife has been the secretary at the CR church for as long as I can remember and she is retiring this year. He the teacher I mean also shared he too is retiring. That will be a sad day for that school. He is genuinely a good man. You know he was my basket ball coach all through high school, then he was Ds’s grade one teacher and both kids principal. He is the one that gave me the job at the school as the supervisor, so I guess he was my boss too. I was happy to see him. They also shared that they are going to be grandparents. Their daughter is my age, she got married last year, so what a blessing. Just in time for retirement, now they can enjoy a grandchild too.
Anyway, that night our whole family had dinner at MIL’s house. It was strange, I knew some of them knew of our situation. Plus I don’t have my wedding ring on still but no one directly came out and said anything.. It was kind of awkward. It was nice seeing all the kids though.
One really negative thing. My MIL is talking about moving here again. Not here like in our home, but here to PA. That made my heart sink. She and I are like oil and water. I don’t want her near me with that degree of permanence. It totally freaks me out. I don’t know what I am going to do about that but no sense worrying yet anyway.
I keep telling myself if it becomes unmanageable I can still walk. Out the door I mean. I have some savings now, I am sure I could manage, if it gets to be to much I have an exit plan.
We came home yesterday (Sunday) around lunch time, dd had some pictures for dance in the afternoon. Today is the beginning of the craziest week of my whole entire year. Its end of school plus showtime for dance. OMG. I hope I can make it.. LOL
So after nearly 1500 words, I am okay, I’m alright.. I am heading forward.
~Blessings to you