..tired..

And it’s Tuesday.. again. Why are these weeks going by so quick? Actually that part I don’t mind for once.. I am laying in bed, it’s 6 40 am and it’s already warm. Today it is supposed to reach 32 degrees. What a crazy heatwave.

Today started in typical Tuesday fashion. Dh left mad at me. Everything had been fairly good for a while there, but then something was brought up again which a huge point of contention.. my answer is still the same, and equally he is still dissapionted/mad/upset by my decision. Well, I still need space. I am not sorry, but it’s just the way it is. It seems like his resolve is slipping a little, he seemed a little bit defeated today, like he is almost at the end of his rope.

Maybe it will be his turn now to want to leave, to find it too hard to stay. That’s unfortunate because for me, things are really going quite well, he can see that. Maybe that is part of his frustration. There isn’t much of  a  bond tying us together anymore. It rather seems to be more like practical reasoning is the tie that binds now.

I don’t want to raise my children alone. It’s unnatural, they need consistency and two parents. I know I am not setting a good example for a loving marriage, but I guess I could say my example is perseverance. My situation is no longer a threat, no harm is being done to me or them.. it’s just not a loving relationship. At this point I’d be happy to build a friendship. For me that is what has to happen. It cannot go further, if there is not some kind of bond.

I am still feeling a little selfish, I feel like I say and think ‘I feel’ a lot. It’s an awakened awareness, it’s the way it must be. At least for now until my foundation has been pieced back together. I am similar to a kaleidoscope, there are so many variables within my life, my being. At every turn a new pattern is presented. I am still learning and building. Time. Again it comes down to time. Time and patience.

Yesterday’s was okay, after my fitness club meeting I decided to go for a quick run. My MIL and SIL were at my home, I know that doesn’t seem very hospitable to leave them there but a run is good for me, for my body and my brain. We finished really quickly yesterday, everyone was chatting about the Pilgrims journey, with great support and well wishes. I think we finished up around 9 45. I went right then for my run and my oh my.. I nearly died. It was sooooo hot already. I felt like I was running in a sauna.. It was incredible. So I didn’t go very far, around the dyke. Then I made my way home. You know though, such a surprise when I arrived home my guests were packed and ready to leave. That was perfect, short and sweet. I wouldn’t mind visiting that way!! I don’t mind MIL’s visits soo much but when she is with SIL, everything is different, similarly I don’t mind SIL when she is on her own but when she is with MIL.. watch out.. so grouchy. So when they come together, I’d prefer they leave quickly.. :-p

After their departure, I worked on my house. Mondays are always filled with house work to be done. I didn’t do much of anything else yesterday.

After school or last evening I should say Dd had both Karate and Dance, only a few more weeks and all of those things will be finished. I went for another walk last night, up by the top of Maitland St. I had to wait for Dd so I thought I might as well do something. It was the finniest thing, there was such a haze in the air it almost looked like there was a bank of fog by the mill. Strange. Speaking of  strange and weather, did you notice on Sunday there was a halo around the sun? It was a perfect circle. I could tell you the scientific reason for it, but its not that important. It has to do with the ice particles in a particular type of very light clouds.. but anyway it was neat to look at.. I should post a picture of it.. I just looked out the window and it’s hazy again already. Very strange.

Today there is HM this morning, I like it when Mass is in the morning on a Tuesday. It sort of sets the tone for the rest of the day. On Tuesdays that is most helpful. Oh I wanted to mention, yesterday when I open my new LOTH I was so pleasantly surprised to find the pages all set up. How thoughtful. I had thought about it and was wondering which week we would be in.. and there it was. Very thoughtful. That was a nice surprise. I liked the Psalms from this morning very appropriate and comforting and encouraging.. Maybe today will be okay.

I had better get up, If I keep typing like this I m liable to fall back to sleep. I don’t even know why I am so tired I was in bed last night by 9 30. Dh left around 430 (early shift) but then I went right back to sleep and got up with my alarm at six, prayed and then grabbed a coffee and now I am here.

Anyway I am procrastinating.. LOL  Time to go..

Have a blessed day~ Bye

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