..silence..

Goodnight

The night is here.

What a day, I am glad my children went willingly to sleep. I too shall follow very soon. I ended up mowing half the lawn. The front half. So tomorrow morning, my probable plan is to go to Dd’s school first thing. There is an assembly and she is reading her speech in front of the entire school. She ended up winning, they both did. Did I mention that? I am going for moral support. I am really proud of both of them. After that I plan to go running. I want to go early before the heat sets in. I think summer might be near this weekend. Then after that I will finish mowing the lawn. All my house work is done so I don’t have any inside obligations tomorrow.

I am worried about three things right now.

First I didn’t mention to Dh about the school information. I should have told him right away because now it sort of feel like I am keeping something from him. In recent times when I have felt anxious about disclosing something to him, he has proved me wrong and taken the news reasonably well. This particular thing in the past has sort of been a point of contention so I don’t want to spoil our balance that we have going on. I really want to do it too. (the program I mean)

Second Dh again, I am nervous about him coming here. I know I saw him last weekend, but we were around other people the whole weekend. It was very casual. Light hearted conversation, we all visited and played games with each other and our kids, we did a lot of hiking together.. It was very natural and positive.

I don’t really know what to expect.

and Finally I am nervous about my test, I like writing but that doesn’t make me good at it. I am a horrible speller and my grammar in definitely not correct. While writing I don’t care much about the gramatically correct way to express myself – I just do it. Then at the end I spell check my post. There a million mistakes every time. I know a portion is made up of typo’s but I don’t know… I will try my best. That’s really all I can do. I have a week so I’ll make the most of it in terms of studying. I am lucky I think that I am strong reader that will be helpful, I think I should be okay with the comprehension part of it…

I don’t have any plans this weekend as of yet, but I doubt I’ll be on line at all. On Monday I am meeting my Mom in Courtney. Too bad it’s a Monday. Ds has a Dr’s appointment there in the afternoon. I believe Dh will head back home on Sunday afternoon. That’s all I know about my plans for this weekend.

I wonder what is causing this feeling of nervousness? I wonder if it’s just a symptom of the ingrained reaction that I am programmed to feel when in this situation. I think before I’d have been in a cleaning frenzy, and unable to sleep completely panicked at the thought of Dh coming home for inspection.. Now what I feel is only an echo of that former mind set. A slight agitation, but definitely not enough to cause any real trepidation… That’s a very significant improvement.. Thank God for such a patient listener I’ve had to guide me..! I am confident in my self enough that I am not going to allow someone other that GOD to judge me.. No matter what. I’ll put my foot down.

I know that last bit sounds negative but It’s not meant to slander.. I am stating simple observations and truths. This is how I process feeling best by physically typing them out. This blog is anonymous so i can’t harm any reputations. I am going to be honest and open and kind and attentive.. That’s what I will do. That what I can do. The rest is out of my hands. I have to quite worrying.

My home is silent, I feel there is a peaceful flow here now. I am happy to have consecrated my surroundings to God. It’s marvelous. I am so very thank full tonight.

On that note I shall turn in.. Good night~

It’s 10:18pm

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