..this sucks..

Kind of a huge turn of events. It’s for the best.

I feel sort of numb, a little sad, my stomach is all knotted up. Really though could there be any other out come? Trust is such a waste. This is exactly why I don’t like talking about my past, after something comes out. I always wish it hadn’t. I think I am kind of sad too because after all these years of keeping things locked away, I had sort of gotten used to it. Now I feel like I have to start again. No I think more or less, the reason I am sad, Is because I am not getting what I wanted, and now the rest has to go too. I’ve got good intuition. I am always so quick to trust people, yet I don’t trust myself. What is that? I am the one person I should trust. Myself. I am usually right, the signs are there, I chose not to listen, and now I will pay for it.

Anyway. I’m not going anywhere, or doing anything rash. I’m just going to go on and try my best and work on being stronger, and maybe God will help me. Maybe now I’ll be a little stronger in staying away from the vises that are often shadowing me?

I’m such a girl… broken hearted.. easy prey.. pattern repeating.. this sucks 😦

Love is an illusion.. I need to quit dwelling on it. I am alone. I need to figure out away to be okay, alone.

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