Umm yeah, that’s about how I am feeling at the moment.

It’s been a week since my last post, a lot has happened… Which is an understatement that I am not going to get into at the moment.

I have this panic feeling in the pit of my stomach, I have a feeling Dh is going to be making an appearance tonight. It’s torture. I wish I just knew when he was coming home so I could relax a bit until that day. Relax, not by slacking off and doing nothing but emotionally relax so I could stop being in fight or flight mode.

A little back story, dh left to work out of town one week ago, and has decided to play the game of no consistent calling or passing information.

You know actually I think I am more anxious now not because of Dh, but because I took that call from MIL. I should have just not answered the phone. I think that’s probably the real cause of my insatiable anxiety.

She said, you can’t leave, you just have to be happy, if you leave it’s going to hurt the kids especially Dd…

I am so awful at handling my emotional state with any degree of strength.. I am scared too. I have no idea why but that’s the feeling I have half scared, kind of sad, guilty which has little to do with anything, nervous, relieved too though a little bit, ashamed for telling which I know logically was okay for me to do so, but non the less that’s how I feel. Even a little bit irrational. I need something, something to take my mind off all of it… Just for a little while… But what?


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