I came home after our walk, and had the oddest sensation come upon me. Sometimes I wonder of the state of my home. That’s hard to explain, but sometime it seems there is a negative ambiance attached to it. Like if an inanimate object could have an aura, this houses would be dark grey or black even. It was such an obvious abrupt change that it was almost tangible. Strange right? It’s not the first time I have felt this way here. However it’s been quite some time since I noticed it. After I returned home i went upon my tasks, but there was this mounting tension growing in my body, almost like anxiety. Really strong anxiety. I stopped what I was doing, as it was about an hour before HM and I started to pray. I easily immersed myself, sometimes it’s really hard to pray but it came so naturally for me it was like breathing. After a bit of time the tension abated.
Our whole family left, (I have a funny story to insert, but I’ll tell it later) to go to Mass. It’s been awhile since we had all been there together. It was nice. I was incredibly thankful to be there, and was emptying my mind as best I could so to truly be prepared to listen. This is the part that’s a little hard to write about, maybe it’s too personal. I’ll try.
I have been struggling, or you could say stumbling a little bit lately. I sort of have a difficult time keeping things into perspective and I had been struggling alot opening my heart and being sincere about my weaknesses. Before Mass, I had a few minutes to pray, and I had another strange sensation wash over me. I wasn’t thinking too much, I was just, it was almost like I was exhaling. I was giving my self up all of me, my weakest self, and begging for mercy. Completely submitting myself. And that’s when the sensation came upon me, it felt like I was literally enveloped in solace.
He (God) knows everything, every facet of my being. How much greater could a love be than that. To be merciful, despite all my human weakness. I can ‘t help but be awestruck with gratitude.
Miracles happen all the time. I think people are just too busy and far too desensitised to see them. God is everywhere, in all things.