..again with the all about me..

So I have been up for awhile I wrote and was hoping that was the end of it.

Dh has called me 3 times already this morning. I listened to him, I thought he was on a similar page as me. He was at first trying to remind me that I AM a good Mom. He said that we were different her and I, but that doesn’t make me a bad mother. We are just raising our children differently. He was a bit upset by the whole garbage in garbage out comment, because I think he took it personally. He thinks Ds is a good kid, with clear boundaries, he has a good sense of right and wrong. (which I agree with) He knows I always monitor them and would never intentionally do anything to cause them harm.

Well I told him of the resolution, and some how it went from good, hopefully that’s the end of it to; You are the problem, you stress me out, it’s your fault, you don’t deal with situations properly, all of this is your problem, and that stresses me out. It’s you!”

Those are his words, not mine.

I am too tired to be rational, but all I know is this is NOT the end of it for me. I shouldn’t have asked to go to CR. Friday nights, are so much fun around here. I’m an idiot. How many times do I have to tell myself, bite your tongue!!!! Don’t speak. Don’t complain, don’t worry about stuff in front of him, and don’t react. Especially DON’T CRY!! (Which I haven’t yet.) I’ll do my best to make sure there isn’t anything else I can do to provoke him. I get all my work done around here and I hope he feels calmer later. I wish I could go to HM today…
I don’t want to be away from my phone just in case. No need to add fuel to the fire.

Today is shaping up to be a perfect cocktail for a emotional evening. At least I can recognize the signs. I hope just knowing that, I can protect myself a little bit. When ever I haven’t slept well my defenses are low. It’s weird too, it’s like dh can sense it. I need to remain steady. Positive. Think positive. Be calm.

My kids are still sleeping, I want to vacuum but I don’t want to wake them up. I think they need their sleep too. So on with the day, I’ve got some stuff to iron, that’s a quiet house chore…

This has been my mantra lately…

Please Lord, I do not pray to have an easy life, I am praying to be a strong person. Please God, Hear my prayers…

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