Friday already, where does the time go? I woke up feeling good even though I didn’t have a lot of sleep last night. I didn’t even get into bed until around 10 45. I was a little preoccupied. (not with anything disturbing, but with housewife-ish stuff) I was working on my laundry, I was fighting dirt and grime.. I was battling with a couple of tough stains. I tell you, and I’ve said it before… White shirts on Elementary aged school kids… Not a good idea! All’s well that ends well though, because I got the stains out and my children have VERY white shirts. There is something to be said about doing a job you love, and I actually like doing laundry.
Now you might be wondering why I was doing laundry at that time of night, I did have all day. I did some during the day but it’s at night when I can’t sleep that I sometimes do my best work. I had a very productive day yesterday in fact. You see the clock is ticking, MIL is coming home in 8 days. She is the worst inspector of them all. I have caught her running her finger behind my TV checking for dust!! I could go on and on about that, but alas I don’t really want to spoil my mood this morning so I will not.
So yesterday was spent in one of my favorite ways, here alone, with no distractions, I didn’t go anywhere, and I was able to work and pray, to stay in the moment, to give glory to God in all my tasks, I wasn’t bothered by the mediums of the worldly media, I even spent time, Silently. That’s quite an achievement. Silence is difficult for me to obtain most days.
On a different note, I am noticing some correlations between my anxious moods and Dh’s level of animosity towards me. Regardless, with my best effort, not depending on him to be loving I have been, (well I have been trying to be) kind. When he is coming down hard on me, it is quite hard to keep steady, I do try though. I do not imagine he is the root of all my variable moods but I do think he can claim responsibility to at least some.
So my outward kindness may be working like somewhat of a shield? I only received small grumbles about the dinner on Ash wed. It was a traditional fast meal. I was hoping to share the experience with everyone. It was alright. That day was such an internal battle for me that I was really thankful that that Peace wasn’t spoiled with negativity.
Then yesterday Dh asked me, not accusatory or cruelly if I was planning to attend HM. Unfortunately there wasn’t one, but it was the thought that counted in this situation. He too was being kind. It’s amazing how that small amount of kindness coming from his lips brightened my mood. (Could this be a redeeming quality?)
I carried on with my day, he still called. He asked me what I was doing as usual and I told the truth with a positive voice, if I was praying I told him, If I was listening to my favorite Catholic radio station I told him also, when I was organizing my kitchen cupboards, I told him that too. He sort of poked fun of me, but that was the end of it.
Later on that day DD had to go to dance, Dh got mad at me for something I don’t even remember what, and as I was driving her I was feeling so hurt again. That’s when it donned on me, he with his negative attitude towards me caused this drop in my mood. I did absolutely nothing wrong. (this time at least)
So I thought for a few minutes, after I dropped Dd off. This could go one of two ways, I could remain with my feelings hurt, and feel bad to my self. (lets face it, he doesn’t care in the slightest how I feel so my feeling sad, is only hurting me. Well maybe he notices but it doesn’t change anything) Or I could realize it as a feeling and move past it. So I went home and with kindness, stayed in the moment and carried on with my dinner prep. Strangely, It was a little while later that I was alone standing in my kitchen that I felt this warmth covering my body, I felt so secure and safe, and peaceful. It was an odd sensation, but I noticed it immediately and enjoyed the moment of rest.
So that was yesterday, and today I am filled with a sense of purpose. I have one thing weighing on my mind, one road block that I intend to remedy this morning. I have no idea what today will bring but I am hopeful.
I didn’t mention, even though we found out Wed, (some good news) Ds recently was competing in a K of C basketball free throw competition at his school and he did great, so now he is invited to attend the semi finals which are out of town, well just one town over. He is very excited, I am very happy for him. So that’s tomorrow.
I have been thinking about my Grandma lately, I hope she is okay. I’ll write more about her later….